Stop Networking, Make Friends Instead
I love meeting new people, but I don’t like “networking.”
Never have.
When I ask people, “Do you like networking?”
Most people moan, sigh or look disgusted.
If you want to design your lifestyle around more meaningful work so you can work on your terms, meeting new people is not only unavoidable, it’s necessary. Building community is one of the 10 most important Life Skills That Matter.
If you want to make a big change in your life, hanging with like-minded people will dramatically improve your odds of success.
I believe this is the case because when you see possibility in others you regard as equals, you begin to see the possibility in yourself and become motivated to achieve it.
So if neither of us likes networking, how on earth do we build our communities? Simple.
Stop networking, make friends instead.
The Networking Mindset
The goal of networking is to view people as “transactions”. You want something from them. A job, a sale, a favor or money.
I don’t know about you, but the primary reason I don’t like networking is because I don’t get to be myself. I’m being someone I think other people want to see.
I want to make the transaction happen as fast as I can before they discover who I really am. The connection is self-interested, not genuine.
I also feel like I’m networking because I’m “supposed to.” It’s not something I want to do.
It’s been drilled into my head my entire life to “put myself out there” and “make connections if you want to be successful.” I know it’s well-intentioned advice, but putting it into practice has made me feel like a desperate used car salesman.
Here are a few other reasons I think we don’t like networking:
We feel like we are always asking for something and use our dignity as the bargaining chip.
We don’t know what we really want, so we don’t know who we want to meet.
We are afraid of rejection.
We believe networking is all about meeting as many people as possible, so we chronically feel guilty about not attaining our imaginary quota.
The Friend Mindset
The goal of making friends is to feel a “connection” with someone. You have mutual interests to share.
The best part of making friends is you get to be yourself (or at least I hope you feel that way!).
You aren’t “making” a connection, you are “feeling” a connection. There’s a big difference. When you meet someone, you aren’t looking for anything more from them except to spend time with them.
There is no agenda.
The foundation of friendship is trust, not a “transaction” like in networking.
When you meet someone you might consider to be a friend, you genuinely listen to what they have to say and you are fully present in the conversation.
You aren’t plotting away about how to guide the conversation toward a sale or even feeling pressure to end the interaction to hunt down your next new “contact.” You are enjoying the connection. It’s not grudge work.
Imagine how differently you might treat someone in a professional setting using the “friend mindset” versus the “networking mindset.” Give it a try!
The Community Mindset
The goal of building a community is to feel both “connected” and collaborative with a group of like-minded people. You support each other to help each other succeed.
I like to think of the “community mindset” as a blend of the best aspects of making friends and making connections. I have loads of friends I adore, but I could never imagine working with some of them.
Unlike networking, I’m not looking to “get something” from the people I want to work with in my community. However, I do want to align my professional interests with them. It’s also important for me to feel a connection with them, similar to making a friend.
When I’m building my “professional” community, I’m seeking mutually beneficial relationships, so we can help each other grow over the long term.
Most important of all, the community mindset enables me to be comfortable in my own skin by building relationships on my terms.
6 Ways To Build Community
1) Be yourself.
I know it’s cliché, but so few people actually do it! When you are yourself you align yourself with people who will want to help you succeed for who you are and will support the work you’ve always wanted to do.
2) Be interested, not just interesting.
As you meet people, don’t make it all about you. Make it about them. Ask them questions. If you aren’t genuinely interested in them, move along.
3) Feel connected, don’t make connections.
When you are building community the quality of your relationships trumps quantity. A core of deep relationships in your community will serve as advocates for you. They will vastly amplify your message by talking about you in their own community and beyond.
4) Give to receive.
When I was a sales trainer, this was one of my core pieces of “networking” advice. Stand out from the crowd and make yourself memorable by offering your help and support. Demonstrate your interest in, don’t just talk about it.
5) Put yourself in positions to engage.
For those of you who might be more introverted and uncomfortable with starting up conversations, place yourself in the “path of conversation.” What do I mean by that? Physically put yourself in positions where you will have to talk to people. Here are a few ideas:
Volunteer at professional events aligned with your goals.
Seek out leadership positions within groups or associations for your profession.
If you are having dinner with a large group, sit in the middle of the table, not at the end, so you have more opportunities to talk to people. (Hanging near the bar at a networking event is also a great place to naturally fall into conversations.)
Create content online like a blog, podcast, tweets or video on YouTube to showcase your expertise, so people interested in your subject will contact you with follow-up questions.
6) Ask for help.
Show you genuinely share your new connection’s interest by asking them for help with something you want to learn or a problem you are having trouble solving. Ask them for suggestions about books, blogs, podcasts, conferences to attend or tools of the trade.
Just Be Curious
My goal for you is to “network” without thinking you are even “networking.”
Let your curiosities make introductions for you. Your litmus test for reaching out to someone is not whether or not you’re going to get something out of them, but rather your genuine interest in them or their work.
It’s possible when you view new people you meet less as “connections” to make and more as “friends” to be made.
Here’s a quick challenge for you: meet one new person in the next week online or in the real world that genuinely interests you!
Stop networking, make friends instead.
Declutter Your Life: The Cost Of Free Stuff
What’s the cost of “free” stuff?
You might be mentally responding right now, “Uh, Stephen, it doesn’t cost anything, it’s free.”
OK, free stuff doesn’t cost money.
However, if you want to declutter your life to design your lifestyle to work on your terms, the cost is enormous in my humble opinion.
I attend conferences pretty regularly for work. I’m constantly being offered free schwag. You know, pens, flash drives, T-shirts, bags, paper pads, bouncing balls, mouse pads, and other useless crap.
Supposedly it’s a big deal to get this free stuff. People eagerly accept this bag of clutter at the conference registration desk, rifling through it like a five-year old on their birthday.
I politely decline.
Apparently, this is a faux pas. I’ve been stunned by the reactions from conference staff ranging from bewilderment to annoyance, even being told to “just take it, it’s free.”
And most surprising of all, they actually tried to start selling me the free stuff, telling me how useful each item could be. It’s kind of sad. I stay firm and say “Yes, I’m a weirdo, but no thank you.”
Where on earth do all those free t-shirts, bottle openers, frisbees, magnets, glasses and toys people collect end up? Cluttering your home, office or car.
Rejecting free stuff is the first step to decluttering your living or workspace
So who doesn’t want free stuff? Me.
I don’t want clutter. I don’t want stuff I won’t use or “may” use one day.
I don’t want stuff to choose me. I want to choose what I need, even if I have to pay for it.
Over the last few years, I have accepted exactly three pieces of free schwag. A reusable shopping bag with nothing in it (I actually had them remove all the other free stuff). I use it all the time. I also added two T-shirts from World Domination Summit to my wardrobe because I love spreading their mission.
I was unaware of the rule of “If it’s free, you take it.” Somehow only when something is assigned a price do we have the choice to take it or not.
Just because something is free, doesn’t mean you have to accept it. Next time someone else is pushing something free on you, let them know that you want to leave it for someone else who needs it more than you do.
Do you want to know the true cost of free stuff?
It weighs you down. It drains you. It’s cluttering your ability to see your vision for your ideal lifestyle.
It takes up space in your life for items that might be more meaningful to your purpose.
It sucks up your time and energy by forcing you to deal with it. You have to move it out of the way every time you are looking for want you want.
It’s not an expression of your purpose or your values. It’s someone else’s ideals.
Whether you realize it or not, you are kinda being bought to advertise someone else’s message with every corporate logo you have splashed across your chest.
You don’t end up using most of the free stuff, so you deny it from being used by other people who might see its true value. You’re denying its purpose, but at the same time, your mountain of free stuff is helping to prevent you from living yours.
Stuff only has value if it provides you with meaning and purpose, regardless of the dollar amount
If you don’t have to pay for it, all the better.
But, if it doesn’t meet those two criteria, don’t accept it into your life. If you aren’t going to use it, leave it.
Even if it is “free”.
Once you stop accepting free stuff, start purging the free stuff you’ve already accumulated.
Declutter your life by proudly rejecting free stuff!
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Feeling Stuck? Stop Saying This
Are you feeling stuck?
One of the most counterproductive phrases in the English language in my humble opinion is “suppose to”.
My skin crawls when someone begins a sentence by saying, “You know what you are supposed to do . . .”
Even if they have the best of intentions, my wall immediately goes up. I’m deaf to whatever is said next.
Why?
It gets us stuck. When “suppose to” is used in this context it is an implied obligation. It’s duty-bound. It’s a command. It’s an expectation. It eliminates choice. It’s a dead end. It’s the voice of guilt. It’s unconstructive criticism. It’s pressure to conform.
It holds you back from being your true self.
What’s even worse, how many times have you told yourself, “I’m supposed to do this . . . “? When you feel you are “supposed to” do something, your source of motivation is external. When you “want to” do something, your source of motivation is internal.
Lifestyle design is all about aligning your purpose with your internal motivation.
The Crushing Guilt of Hearing “Supposed to”
More often than not, it’s even harder to hear a family member, a close friend, someone you admire, a colleague or your boss tell you, “You are supposed to . . .” It triggers feelings of guilt.
You don’t want to disappoint them. You want their acceptance. You want their approval. You want to make them proud. You end up doing what you are “supposed to” even though it’s not what you “want to” do.
By the way, using the word “should” also raises the same red flag as “supposed to” does for me.
When you tell someone they are “supposed to” or “should” do something a particular way, you aren’t considering other viable alternatives or empowering them to discover their own solution.
You are automatically deferring their options to predetermined societal standards that may no longer be valid.
For example, I remember my dad telling me I was ‘” supposed to have settled into a long-term career by now” after I told him I got laid off after working for just five years at four different companies. Initially, I was a little crushed.
Let me give you some context, my dad worked for AT&T for 30 years and for Bayer Pharmaceuticals for 12 years. His generation built their careers from a completely different rulebook than ours.
Rather than feel offended by his comment, I knew his intentions were coming from a good place, but I realized his path in life was no longer even an option, so I had to find my own.
When you feel like you “should” give into a comment like this, remember you are being motivated by external forces rather than being motivated by your own inner voice.
It’s not your choice. You are outsourcing your decision to someone else. You are doing it to make someone else happy without any consideration of your own happiness.
Bowing to guilty feelings in the short term usually results in long-term misery. Been there, done that.
Living Your Life the Way You Are “Supposed to”
Are you working in a job or chose a career because that’s what you thought you were “supposed to do”?
Have you ever asked yourself where that pressure is coming from? Your parents? Your spouse? Your peers? The media? An AI chatbot?
Don’t you think it’s time to find a better way to define your career and your identity?
If that pressure is coming from within you, then why are you giving in to this pressure? What is preventing you from what you really to do?
Take the time now to write down responses to the following questions:
1) What’s the work you’ve always wanted to do or what kind of work do you think would be satisfying to you?
2) What are the obstacles holding you back from doing what you want to do?
3) What is a small action you can take to start overcoming the toughest obstacle preventing you from doing what you really want to do?
The only thing you are “supposed to” or “should” do in life is be a good person and be respectful of others. Outside of that, you can do whatever you want.
Otherwise, you are giving up control over your own life and have no one to blame for your unhappiness, but yourself.
I’m not advocating shirking your responsibilities, but rather recognizing the need to balance them against your own personal happiness.
You should (wink) stop giving into the thought “I’m supposed to”. Let yourself have choices. You deserve them.
Create Options Using “Supposed to”
The next time someone starts a sentence with the phrase, “You’re supposed to . . . ” or “You know what you should do . . . . “ take the following actions:
1) First, visualize a red flag and pause for a moment. Take it as a cue to begin a discussion, rather than listen to a lecture.
2) Next, turn the tables. Respond by saying something like, “Suppose I was considering another option? Suppose I did . . . “
That response prevents you from getting backed into a corner. You are letting the other person know there are other valid options beyond the one they think you are “supposed to do”.
3) Don’t get defensive or give in to your guilty feelings. Recognize the concern the other person has for you. Generally, their advice comes from a place of love. Their misunderstanding arises from their lack of knowledge about the type of work you really want to do.
4) Finally, clearly explain your needs and why you are considering other options. Most people only have the best intentions when they are offering their advice. Sometimes they unknowingly present it in the form of a lecture by launching into it by saying, “You’re supposed to . . .”
Sometimes it’s tough hearing someone else tell you what they think you are “supposed to do” when you haven’t figured it out for yourself yet. Take the time to consider your most pressing needs and what makes you really happy.
Bring awareness every time you hear or even think “supposed to”. I know it might sound extreme, but simple language like that is one of the root causes limiting your beliefs about your true potential.
You should stop saying “suppose to” to other people too;)
Change Your Life By Attending a Conference
In 2014 I attended two conferences that changed the course of my life. Seriously.
I went to NMXLive in 2014. It is now defunct, but was awesome the year I attended.
It was a conference for bloggers and podcasters. I was on the verge of launching my first podcast at the time, UnStuckable. I was able to meet loads of people who taught me almost everything I needed to know to get my podcast off the ground in a matter of days.
I attended the World Domination Summit in 2014 and 2015.
I like to think of this event as a summer camp for adults who are interested in “living unconventionally.” It’s hard to describe, but was a very empowering experience to start living on your terms. For me, it validated that it’s possible to truly design your ideal lifestyle and to work on your terms.
Previously, I had attended countless professional conferences that had little impact on my life. In fact, they drained me. I wasn’t myself and couldn’t stand networking.
Let me tell you there is a HUGE difference between attending a conference you have to go to for your job versus a conference you want to go to just because you find it interesting!
One of the first steps to get unstuck in your career is to change something in your life.
It doesn’t have to be dramatic, something small will do like attending a conference. It can seriously change your life!
Top three actions you can take to get unstuck:
1) Learn something new.
2) Meet people who are doing what you want to do.
3) Get out of your usual environment.
Each of the above actions shares a common result: they get you to challenge and change your perspective(s).
Attending a conference can do all of that for you in one fell swoop!
By attending a conference you will:
1) Attend lots of sessions and workshops, so you’ll learn something new.
2) Socialize during activities, dinner, drinks and session breaks, so you’ll meet new people.
3) Many times you’ll have to leave your state, city or at least your house to attend, so you’ll change your normal environment.
Most importantly, attending a conference gives you space and time to consider new thoughts and ideas outside of your normal routine, influences and thought process. That’s a very powerful opportunity if you are looking for change in your life.
Conferences also help you get unstuck by:
1) Validating your vision for your life and work by meeting awesome people who are successful in doing what you want to do.
2) Providing a supportive environment of deeply experienced people to productively challenge everything holding you back.
3) Giving you the basic ingredients for an action plan to get you started on transforming your lifestyle when you get home.
Attending a conference gives you the opportunity to “try on” your new identity far from the reach of critical voices in your life. You get to be who you want to be and are encouraged to do so.
Conferences also redirect your energy and thoughts from why you want to change toward how you can begin to change.
Best practices for attending a conference
Attending a conference for yourself is a little different than attending one for your job, so it needs to be approached differently. Here’s some of my advice for getting the most from a “life-changing” conference:
1) Make an investment in yourself.
I’ll be honest, you’ll probably need to take a few days off to attend a conference. Lots of us take vacations to get away from it all, but then we have to go back to everything that is stressing us out.
Conferences enable you to get away from it all too, but have the potential to transform your life on your terms.
In terms of cost, you might be looking at spending no more than $1,000. In many cases, it will be much less. It depends on your budget and how frugal you are. There are lots of variables involved like the conference ticket, transportation, accommodations, meals, etc.
If you want to commit to lifestyle design transformation, find a way to make this investment in yourself.
2) Have a goal.
What do you want to get from this experience? What will make your investment of time and money worthwhile? Your goal might be to:
meet one of your heroes
meet a certain number of people you really connect with
do something you’ve been afraid to do in your life back home
learn something you’ve always wanted to learn
reflect for 30 minutes each day about the change you want to make
3) Build relationships.
Don’t just make lots of “contacts” like you would normally do at a conference.
It’s so important to build on the momentum of your conference experience when you get back home.
The most effective way of doing that is by keeping in touch with a handful of people you met at the conference.
They are your peeps and they get you.
When I left the World Domination Summit the first time, I was part of a monthly conference call on Skype with two other guys I met there: Zach Sexton and Thomas Frank of College Info Geek.
We kept it up for a year and then invited another guy to our group to start a “mastermind” (or Jedi Council as Thomas likes to call it) to hold each other more accountable for our progress.
4) Ask lots of questions.
You can learn so much about the work you want to do more quickly at a conference than by performing Google searches during the same amount of time (your eyeballs will hurt less too!)
You will be surrounded by people with varying levels of experience that can help you avoid some of the mistakes they made and get you on the right track more quickly. Ask about:
books to read
blogs to follow
podcasts to listen to
other conferences to attend
tools of the trade
your most pressing concerns that are holding you back
people you should meet
5) Socialize.
I’m including this recommendation for introverts. Challenge yourself to attend a few more social events than you normally would.
This is the time when people loosen up and really open up themselves. They are more approachable. The conversations are so much more honest and genuine.
My most valued “connections” from these types of conferences have always come out of social situations.
6) Create an action plan.
On your last day or when you are on the plane heading home, scratch out a quick plan and organize your thoughts to capture your most valuable information. Your plan might include:
3 most valuable takeaways from the conference
3 things you learned to help you begin your lifestyle transformation
3 people you want to keep in touch with (email them when you get home to set up a call)
3 key actions you are going to take to start transforming your lifestyle and your work
Attending a conference gets you to commit because you are dedicating time and money to make this change in your life most likely for the first time.
They rip you out of your current lifestyle to hang with people who are doing what you want to do.
They break you out of your routines and habits.
They challenge your perspectives and assumptions.
They provide support to empower you to see the change you want to make in your life is indeed possible.
Now go an search for a few conferences about stuff you want to learn about or people you want to hang with to start building your community!
Just type in “conference for [insert subject or profession]” into Google now!
Change your life by attending a conference or check out our Communities of Practice!
First Rule of Personal Productivity
How do you know if you are being productive?
I’ve always thought of myself as being a hard worker that efficiently and effectively completes prioritized tasks, but does that make me productive?
Some would say, “Yes.”
Then why do I still feel anxious, guilty and not good enough?
I have come to realize I was being “productive” for the sake of being productive. As my friend Mike Vardy of Productivityist likes to say, “Stop doing productive and start being productive.”
Personal productivity isn’t just about doing more work in less time. There is always more work to be done, so how do you know when to stop? If you are thinking about working for yourself, that’s an important question to answer.
Many of us are “doing productivity” as a status symbol. We enjoy the feeling when people describe us as “productive.” But after a while of “doing ” productivity, I always feel as though I can no longer keep up. I eventually crash and burn out as I did in my previous business, UnStuckable.
When we do productivity for the sake of what someone else thinks, we aren’t doing productivity on our terms. There is no joy in doing productivity in this way. It’s not sustainable.
We might be getting a lot done, but why?
I finally discovered how to make productivity work for me. The first rule of productivity has nothing to do with tools, apps, habits, routines, goals, rituals, plans, schedules, or time management techniques.
The first rule of personal productivity is understanding your values.
When you have a clear grasp of your values you will have a clear vision of the purpose behind your work. You will understand for the first time why you are being productive.
I define personal productivity as working in alignment with your natural tendencies, needs, abilities, preferences and purpose.
Your values enable you to be productive on your terms.
What Are Values?
Your values are your personal code of conduct. They are your core beliefs that guide your actions, behaviors, and your interactions with the world.
Your values are:
The foundation of your personal productivity.
The constant that guides you through your chaotic work days.
The blueprint for your most effective work habits and routines.
A reminder of what makes you uniquely productive.
What makes personal productivity enjoyable and sustainable for you.
Your standards.
Your personal judgment of what is most important in life.
A promise to yourself to never forget who you truly are.
One of the most important things to learn about yourself.
There are lots of different reasons to be productive, but the most motivating reason is to be driven by your values.
In some ways, your values are the core definition of yourself. They shape the quality of your work and how you choose to work. They guide how you want to design your life around the work you’ve always wanted to do.
They are the reference point for all your decisions. They are the benchmark you use to judge all your decisions against both large and small. They make your decision-making process more efficient and effective by quickly eliminating options that aren’t in alignment with your values. They also end up being the tiebreaker when you face extremely tough decisions.
Your values are a source of strength. Each and every day we are forced to make compromises as we navigate through life. Your values aren’t easily compromised. They provide a sense of direction when the path forward seems unclear.
My Values
If you can’t easily describe your values at this point in time, that’s OK. I didn’t know how to articulate my values until I spent a lot of time studying the patterns in my thoughts, behaviors, and decisions. It takes time.
I know it’s tempting to search for a list of “values,” but I strongly advise against doing so. Your values will be much more meaningful if you use words and phrases that mean something to you, instead of cherry-picking through a list of words chosen by someone else.
Here’s how I describe my values in no particular order:
Choose time and experiences over money and material possessions.
Keep things as simple as possible.
Challenge the status quo and “make it happen.”
Family first.
Be frugal, not cheap.
Work from anywhere.
Be genuine.
There is no right or wrong way to express your values. Your list might be shorter or longer. (Although I do caution you to beware of making your list too long. The longer your list, the more diluted each of your values becomes.)
You also don’t have to limit yourself to individual words to express your values as is the case in most traditional value discovery exercises. As you can see from my list, I’ve used phrases and conjunctions!
Discover Your Values
As I mentioned earlier, discovering your values takes time. If you are serious about understanding what makes you uniquely productive, I believe clarifying your values is unavoidable.
Start by making time for self-reflection to become more self-aware. You might even schedule some “me time” on your calendar on a regular basis. Use this time to explore your values.
Here are some questions you might want to ask yourself:
What is most important to you in life?
Which of your core beliefs have you never broken?
Have you ever said to yourself, “I can’t do that because it’s not who I am”? Who are you?
What are your standards for how you would like to ideally work?
How do you like the quality of your work to be judged?
Follow up each of your responses to those questions by asking yourself, “Why?”
Honestly, that’s the toughest question of all. It forces you to dig deeper. It helps you get real about why you hold the values you do.
If you are struggling to answer those questions, you might want to direct your focus elsewhere by trying one of the following exercises:
Exercise #1
Write about your proudest moments in life.
First, make a list of your proudest moments. I find that the stories I regularly tell to others about myself or accomplishments I regularly think about are a good place to start.
Next, describe why each of those moments made you feel proud. Try to list a value or two that expresses why you feel proud of those moments. What do they say about what is important to you?
Finally, look for common values and beliefs each of those stories and moments share. Now you have a working list of your values.
Exercise #2
Define your version of success.
Make a list of what success means to you. Begin each statement with, “Success to me means . . . “
Once you’ve completed your list, prioritize each version of success from most important to least important.
Finally, try to determine your values by how you describe success.
Exercise #3
What you don’t stand for.
If you are exploring your values for the first time, sometimes it’s easier to first understand what you absolutely won’t stand for.
Make a list of everything you would never tolerate. Begin each statement with, “I would never stand for . . . “
Once you’ve completed your list, ask yourself, “What do I stand for?” after each statement you wrote.
Finally, think of some values that describe what you stand for.
Values Help You Work at a Human Pace
You know what I love most about values in the context of productivity? They give me the confidence to work at a human pace in our fast-paced digital world.
I’m never going to outwork a computer, but living my values makes me feel even more productive regardless of my output because I’m now creating work of high quality, not just high quantity.
My values also give me permission to take a break and restore, making my productivity sustainable over the long term.
Most importantly, my values provide me with the peace of mind that I am doing enough and doing it to the best of my ability.
Enroll in our 12-Week Self-Assessment Challenge to learn more about yourself than ever before, so you can create work that works for you!
My Daily Mantra to Reduce My Anxiety
No, it’s not “Serenity now!” as Frank Costanza on Seinfeld once screamed over and over again!
I wake up every morning with a jumble of thoughts in my head.
I have to say it’s tempting to scream, “Serenity now!”
It’s mostly stuff weighing on my mind from the day before like unresolved arguments, unfinished tasks and a sprinkle of self-loathing. Before my feet even hit the floor I am already worried about getting stuff done in the day ahead.
Worse, I think about stuff I have no idea why it’s even on my mind!
Needless to say, I used to start off each day fairly anxious and that feeling persisted throughout the day because I left these thoughts unchecked. I got out of bed already feeling behind.
I was anxious because I lacked focus and immediately let the demands of my thoughts dictate the course of my day.
I wanted a calmer start to my day, so I decided to change this unproductive pattern. I decided to meditate for at least 5 minutes soon after I woke up.
To help me meditate, I decided to adopt a mantra.
What Is a Mantra?
I had some light experience with yoga and meditation, so I was exposed to the concept of “mantras”.
They are a saying or even a sound repeated over and over to help you concentrate during meditation. They help quiet and guide your thoughts.
I also like to think of them as an intentional prayer or a chant.
Mantras have evolved to become statements of how you might live your life or act in certain situations. They can guide your values. They can be a useful reminder in the development of your habits or making a change as significant as lifestyle design.
I use my mantra to set the tone for my day by using it to guide my thoughts and actions in alignment with my desired lifestyle. It replaces my anxious monkey chatter with thoughtful intentions.
My Daily Mantra
This is the mantra I recite to myself each morning. It was of my own invention.
Grow By Creating
Love By Listening
Teach By Learning
Let Go And Make It Happen
Instead of adopting someone else’s mantra (which is perfectly fine), I wanted one that would help me become the person I wanted to be. I wanted it to be in my own voice.
So what does each line mean?
Grow By Creating
I believe the best method for learning about yourself is through the act of creating.
Our modern lifestyle constantly distracts us by presenting opportunities to “consume” something, rather than to“create” something.
Almost everything in our lives is done for us now. We are living the reality of the Jetsons. We spend most of our waking hours consuming something made by someone else. TV entertains us, social media makes us feel connected and Amazon does all our shopping for us.
I know that challenging myself to “create” instead of “consume” will spark me to take action, to move my body, to create meaningful connections with others and to slow down my life, so I can reflect on it.
We need to consume to live, but I felt my create-to-consume ratio was badly out of balance. Is yours?
That simple mantra helps me look for countless ways every day to challenge myself to experiment every day, so I can get to know myself a little bit better.
Love By Listening
I admit it, I haven’t always been the most attentive listener in my life.
I was married for six years. It’s taught me a lot about listening to say the least! I believe my marriage helped me become a better listener.
I believe one of the greatest expressions of love is to listen deeply. I’m not just talking about listening to the words coming out of someone’s mouth, but the tone in which they are delivered.
How often do you give your fullest and most undivided attention to someone you care about?
I want to actively give the people I love most my full attention throughout the day. We all have the attention span of a gnat now!
When I call my mom, I eliminate all distractions. I’m not in front of a TV, I’m not on my laptop and I ignore any text messages that pop up on my phone. She lives in Florida and I don’t see her nearly as much as I would like. When I talk to her she has my full attention as she deserves.
“Love to listen” has saved me a lot of time, energy and emotion by liberating me from chronic cycles of miscommunication. It has also deepened my most valued relationships.
Teach By Learning
I have played the role of teacher in many different ways throughout my career as a journalist, trainer, consultant and coach.
It’s tempting to believe you have all the answers because you are being paid for your “expertise,” but that’s just not true. I didn’t know everything about anything I taught, but I was never afraid to show my desire to learn something new.
I believe the most inspirational teachers are those who share how they learn and empower you to think for yourself. Leading by example is a much more inspirational method of teaching than lecturing as an all-knowing guru.
As I teach you about lifestyle design, I want to experiment alongside you.
I want to be accessible and approachable, not removed and out of touch. That can only happen if I show you I am a student, just like you. The process of learning about yourself never ends. I may have accumulated more experience in lifestyle design than you, but you are a subject I know nothing about (but I’m looking forward to learning more!)
Growing up, my parents told my sister and ! that we could only ask them questions about our homework when we got stuck and didn’t know how to go any further.
They taught us by making us learn on our own, but offered a gentle nudge when we needed it.
I believe you can only learn something deeply when you know it for yourself. It also makes you a much better teacher.
Let Go And Make It Happen
The last part of my mantra is a reminder to take imperfect action. It’s always better to take some action than no action at all.
Progress is better than perfectionism. You can learn from progress. Perfectionism makes you feel like a failure.
“Let Go” helps challenge my mindset to let go of past perspectives, limiting beliefs and assumptions, so I can be open to new alternatives.
Once I’ve cleared my head, “Make It Happen” reminds me to take action with whatever resources I have available to me including my own personal energy and time.
Make do with what you have, don’t wait for the “perfect time” because there isn’t one except for right now.
Creating Your Own Mantra
If you are considering creating your own mantra, I would encourage you to align it with your values as I have. My daily mantra reminds me to live my values every day.
If you don’t know how to describe your values, start discovering them here.
You might also want to create a mantra focused on changing a particular behavior or habit you want to adopt that will help you design your ideal lifestyle.
Make the first word in your daily mantra the “habit” you want to change, followed by the “action” you will take to alter that habit as I have done.
So you might be wondering, how exactly did my daily mantra reduce my anxiety?
It gives me the courage to be who I am. It gives me confidence in my decisions, so I know what I accomplish each day is exactly what needs to get done to live my values.
The Secret to My Morning Routine
Actually, I have two secrets to share with you about my morning routine.
My mornings weren’t always as magical as they are now. Even as a self-described morning person, mornings can be tough even for me.
For years I was proud of not using an alarm to wake up. It was a symbol of my freedom to live and work on my own terms.
I got up whenever my body naturally wanted to get up. Sometimes I slept for eight hours and sometimes as long as ten hours (generally in the dead of winter when it’s dark longer).
Over the past couple of years, I’ve been sleeping a bit longer. I was averaging between nine and eleven hours a night.
It was a symptom of my depression and my unhappiness with my work. When your work makes you feel miserable it provides little motivation for getting out of bed. The comforts of a warm, cozy bed are so much more satisfying.
I recently reversed course. Now I’m overjoyed about getting out of bed. I’ve even decided to set an alarm again! (I’m using Sleep Cycle, so the alarm doesn’t go off when I’m sleeping deeply.) I’m getting up two hours earlier now and I’m very happy about it!
Why? What changed?
Secret #1: Clarity of Purpose
Since I was laid off 25 years ago I have been fascinated with alternative ways of working. It’s been an obsession of mine. I’ve conducted countless lifestyle experiments, interviewed hundreds of people and read just as many books.
My previous self-employment experiences never gave me the joy I felt when I was tinkering around with a new way of working. My calling, my purpose and my “why” were staring me in the face, but I ignored them, until about a decade ago.
I realized my purpose in life was to help people work on their own terms.
I want to teach people like you how to do it. After all, I have been researching and experimenting with it for years. I have a lot of knowledge to share. It was time.
I finally had the clarity of purpose I had been seeking from my work for so long. It gave me a burst of energy like I’ve never felt before.
It is that clarity of purpose that makes me climb out of bed with ease each day at 6am. Many days, I wake up just before my alarm goes off. I wake up as excited as a kid on Christmas morning every day (I know that sounds over the top, but it’s true!)
Nothing will transform your mornings to feel more energized than having clarity of purpose in your work.
Secret #2: Eliminate Decisions
My purpose made me very excited to get out of bed each day, but I noticed I was still experiencing some early morning “brain fog”. It was particularly evident every time I had to make a decision about the next thing I had to do to get my day going.
I thought to myself, “Is it possible to eliminate all the choices and decisions facing me during the first hour of my day?”
Sounded like a worthy lifestyle experiment, so I tried it about eight years ago and it worked!
First, I realized it was important to prepare as much as possible the night before, so I:
Lay out my clothes in my home office, so I didn’t have to think about what to wear the next morning.
Pack up my breakfast of a hard-boiled egg, half an avocado, orange, vitamins and a piece of lox, as well as my mid-morning snack of nuts and seeds, so I could easily grab it all in the morning on my way out.
Shower at night, instead of in the morning, so I have one less thing to do.
Prepare my home office for my morning stretches by moving the chair against the wall, so I have plenty of room to roll out my yoga mat. During this time I also mediate and recite my daily mantra.
Pack up my bag with my laptop and related gear.
All these shortcuts were an enormous help, but over time I was surprised by how many other decisions I could still eliminate. Here are some of the adjustments I made after the first couple of weeks:
Put all my vitamins for the week in a small container and put it in my bag, so I didn’t have to pack them every night.
Cooked all my hard-boiled eggs for the week every Sunday.
Cut my hair shorter than I’ve ever had it in my life, so I don’t have to do anything to it.
Permanently leave my water bottle in my bag.
Put five shirts on a separate shelf in my closet for the week, so I spend less time time thinking about what I’ll wear.
Have a specific arrangement for my glass of water, eyeglasses and phone on my nightstand, so I don’t have to fumble around for them in the dark when I wake up.
I know that looks like some crazy obsessive-compulsive behaviors, but it makes the first hour of my day immensely more enjoyable because I don’t have to think about anything. It’s all been done for me.
It’s an automatic routine. I am able to conserve my energy and thought power for my most important work when I get to work an hour after I get up.
My Morning Routine
So here’s what my morning routine ends up looking like.
First 10 Minutes
Shut off alarm. Put on glasses. Pick up phone and glass of water. Leave bedroom.
Go to bathroom. Wash face. Put on face lotion with SPF. Wash glasses. Brush teeth.
Go to home office to stretch and meditate.
Stretch and Meditate for 30 Minutes
Roll out my yoga mat. Perform a series of stretches for 20 minutes.
Then meditate for 10 minutes and recite my daily mantra.
Leave the House
Get dressed. Pick up bag. Leave home office.
Get breakfast in fridge and put in bag.
Put on coat and shoes in back hallway.
Leave and take 15-minute walk to co-working space.
My Peak Performance Period
My peak performance period for my best work and personal productivity is between 7am and 12pm. I arrive at my co-working space around 7am.
I eat my breakfast by 7:30am.
I write from 7:30am to approximately 11am. I don’t look at emails, social media or anything else. I focus on my most important work: writing. I average 2,000 words per day.
I generally schedule phone calls from 11am to 12pm. If I don’t have any, I continue to write.
I leave the co-working space at 12pm and head to the gym, followed by lunch.
Going With the Flow
Life happens. My morning routine obviously gets disturbed by any number of curve balls life throws my way.
I tend to schedule doctor appointments as early as possible in the day to get them over with. I travel frequently, so my morning routine isn’t as regimented when I’m on the road.
The goal of my routine is to conserve my energy and to reduce as many decisions as I know I’ll need to make. It provides me with a familiar routine for a calmer start to my day.
When unforeseen problems or demands popup, I can deal with them more effectively because I’ve taken steps to reduce common decisions in the morning. I’ll be able to get back into my groove more easily by minimizing my energy loss.
Your morning routine sets the tone and pace for the rest of your day.
The more chaotic your morning feels, the greater the potential for that chaos to seep into the rest of your day.
Taming that first hour of your day provides you with greater willpower to maintain a calmer flow for the remainder of your day.
And if you lack clarity of purpose right now, consider enrolling to our 12-Week Self-Assessment Challenge to learn about designing a workday that will make you feel most fulfilled.
Find Your Why to Get Unstuck
If you are feeling stuck in your career it’s because you have no momentum in your life forward or backward. You are stationary.
You are caught between the tension of knowing you no longer want to do the work you’ve been doing, yet you have no idea what you would like to do for work.
You are in limbo.
You may even know what you want to do for work, but the fear of taking a step forward into the unknown outweighs the fear of remaining miserable because at least it’s familiar.
You are in purgatory.
You also feel stuck because it might be the first time you recognize your desire for “something more” than you have been doing. You are tired of doing what you are “supposed to do” and now want to explore what it is you “want to do”.
There is a way out of your stuckness. Find your “Why”.
What Is Your “Why”?
Your “Why” is a statement of purpose that describes why you do the work you do and why you live the lifestyle you do.
It is your calling.
It is your conviction.
It is your mission statement.
It is a vision of your life and work.
It is the thread of your career story.
It is your core source of motivation.
It is the reference point for all your decisions and actions.
It defines who you are and what makes you productive.
It’s the reason for your life’s work.
If you are feeling overwhelmed, anxious or unfulfilled, it is because you most likely don’t have a clear understanding of your “why”. You are working to live up to someone else’s “why” in the absence of your own why. You are out of alignment with your own unique purpose.
Right now you have infinite choices about the type of work you can do and how you can do it. If you want to feel fulfilled, successful and gain mastery, then you can really only choose one type of work.
So of all the different types of work available to you, why did you choose to do what you are doing right now?
You might respond by telling me:
“I needed a job out of college to start paying off my student loans.”
“I didn’t know what else to do, so I just took this job because I needed one.”
“I just fell into this career path.”
“I do what I do because I felt pressure to follow in my mom’s (or dad’s) footsteps.
“I thought it was a career path that paid well and could offer me financial security.”
These are reasons for your decisions for the work you currently do, but they aren’t your “Why”. They are perfectly valid reasons, but they are external pressures that forced you to make a choice that wasn’t on your terms.
Your “Why” comes from within you.
It is a feeling that compels you to do the work you want to do even if it requires short-term sacrifice. You’ll struggle with thoughts of self-doubt. You might not make much money right away. Your loved ones might not support your decision. You might suffer several failures before you experience success.
Regardless of those sacrifices, you still feel driven to pursue the work you really want to do because it gives you meaning. You can’t imagine doing anything else. This work is an expression of your true identity. It is your purpose in life.
That’s your “Why”.
Your “Why” provides stability and direction in the chaos of life. It makes you grow by giving you the courage and resilience to endure tough challenges.
Money is the result of our work, but it’s our “why” that fuels our work. Your why is the driving force behind why you want to redesign your lifestyle.
It explains why you want to do the work you’ve always wanted to do.
How to Find Your Why
First, let me establish some expectations for you. If you have no idea what your “Why” is right now, you’re not going to magically discover it in the next hour. For most people it takes months or years. It’s not like looking for your lost keys, it’s a process.
To find your “Why” you need to begin a practice of self-awareness. My top recommendation for starting a self-awareness practice is by writing about your thoughts, feelings and actions on a daily basis.
I truly believe everyone has a “Why”. It’s hidden in the patterns of your thoughts, feelings, behaviors and habits. The vast majority of the people who tell me they don’t know their “Why” haven’t put in the effort to track and analyze their patterns.
Everyone’s “Why” is hidden in a different place and can be uncovered in many different ways. Here are the most common areas of your life to start looking:
Your Values
Your values are your personal code of conduct. They are your core beliefs that guide your actions, behaviors and your interactions with the world.
Your Motivations
Your motivations are the actions you feel compelled to take to express “your Why”. It’s what gets you excited to work without having to give into external pressure from others. They are actions you enjoy immensely and make you feel satisfied.
Your Passions
Your passions are your interests that constantly leave you wanting more. You want to spend more time experiencing them than you are currently able to do. You can’t stop thinking about them. You might even be considered somewhat of an “expert” by your friends and family.
Your Strengths
Your strengths encompass your natural abilities, talents, marketable (hard) skills, people (soft) skills and other life skills. They are your natural tendencies for work.
They are tasks that come easy to you and feel satisfying when you complete them. Sometimes you wonder how anyone else could have difficulty completing them because they are so effortless for you. (If you don’t have a grasp of your strengths, consider taking the StrengthsFinder 2.0 assessment.)
You can start sifting through those areas of your life to find your “Why” by:
Conducting Self-Experiments
I believe the most beneficial method of learning about yourself to discover your “Why” is through self-experimentation. It enables you to challenge your assumptions and gain new perspectives about yourself and your patterns.
I believe in them so much that I send out Self-Improvement Challenges every week! Here’s one to help you discover your “Why”.
Challenge: Describe Your Ideal Workday
The goal of this exercise is to empower you to design your workday on your terms. To do that you have to gain clarity about your “Why”. It will dictate how you spend your time and energy.
Provide as much detail as possible. Ask yourself questions like: When would you work? Where? How? With whom? What would you be working on? What motivates you? After you respond to each of those questions, ask yourself “Why”.
Track Your Thoughts
As part of starting a daily writing habit to become more self-aware, consider only tracking your most recurring thoughts. Often we have trouble keeping the stuff we care about most off our minds! You might even be surprised how frequently you are thinking about something. It could be your “Why” and you didn’t even know it!
Analyzing the Thread of Your Career
Look back throughout your career and look for common threads like:
the reason you were drawn to the jobs you held
your most rewarding work accomplishments
compliments colleagues gave you about your work
circumstances that made you feel productive
your favorite work tasks
Once you’ve made a list for each of the above, read each statement and ask yourself, “Why?”. That simple question will get you to dig deeper, so you can discover your own “Why”.
Asking Your Inner Circle
Sometimes we are always the last to know something about ourselves. Our trusted inner circle of family, friends and colleagues often sees something in ourselves we fail to notice.
A word of caution: DO NOT ask them what they think your “Why” is or what you should do. You want them to merely shed some light on your patterns. Ask them what you think gets you most excited in terms of work or what they think your strengths are.
Remember, only you can find your “Why”.
Questions to Ask Yourself
Find your why by asking yourself some of the following questions. You might want to continually be asking yourself them to get your subconscious mind to reveal your “Why”.
A meaningful “Why” statement includes an emotional motivation behind the work you want to do.
What gets you excited or can’t stop thinking about?
Is there a problem or challenge that emotionally moves you to take action?
What kind of work would give you a sense of satisfaction or fulfillment?
What aspect of your career have you enjoyed across all your past work experiences?
What kind of work feels effortless to you, but drives your curiosity to learn more?
My “Why”
So I would be remiss if I didn’t share my “Why” with you. It took my years to articulate, but looking back it was always there. That’s the paradox of finding your “Why”. It’s hidden in plain sight!
I want to help people find more meaningful work. I want to help people relieve their chronic work anxiety by helping them see patterns in their story, so they can design their lifestyle around the work they have always wanted to do.
Go find your Why!
Check out our 12-Week Self-Assessment Challenge to help you know yourself better than ever before, so you can create work that works for you!
Integrate Competing Priorities
Lots of people love their work and are excited by all the possibilities before them, but they still feel overwhelmed.
All this good fortune seems to weigh them down.
They feel just as stressed out as someone who has no idea what they want to do with their lives.
Maybe you are one of these folks suffering from the dilemma of competing priorities. The source of your stress comes from wanting to do too many exciting things in your life and work.
You probably feel constant tension between your priorities. They are pulling you in opposite directions. One seems to be stealing time from another. You never fully enjoy any one of them because your mind is always worried about missing out on the other.
How can you fit them all in?
It’s possible, but only if you choose to reframe your mindset about the seemingly adversarial relationship between your competing priorities.
Your “Why” Is Unclear
One of the most common reasons to suffer from the affliction of competing priorities is because your “why” is unclear.
Your “why” is your purpose for how you want to live your life. It’s your mission statement. It is your core reference point for understanding “why” you do everything you do in your life and work.
Your “why” helps you focus your limited time and energy. It reminds you of your values, motivations, needs and abilities. It can help you prioritize everything you want to accomplish in life.
Most importantly, your “Why” helps show the relationship between all your priorities and how they each support each other in the context of your “Why”.
A clear “Why” will reframe your mindset about your “competing” priorities, so you can see how they can be “integrated” with one another.
Integrate Your Priorities
Priorities by their nature indicate a hierarchy. Only “one” can be more important than another.
Imagine if they could be integrated instead?
I know that flies in the face of how priorities are traditionally defined, but I want to challenge your assumption.
Ultimately, I want you to see how all of your priorities can actually work together toward your larger “Why”. Simply put, integrating your priorities is looking for ways to “kill two birds with one stone”.
The process of integrating your priorities begins by drilling down into each one to understand their context in terms of your “Why”.
First, start by asking yourself the following questions:
Why is this a priority in my life?
What are three different reasons for maintaining this priority in my life?
What does this priority give me that nothing else in my life does?
Next, look for patterns between your priorities to see if there are similar reasons for maintaining each priority in your life.
For example, one of my priorities is spending as much time outside as possible. Another is getting regular exercise. A similar reason they are both a priority in my life is because they both energize me. However, they both compete for my limited time.
Finally, you are going to look for ways to “integrate” your priorities by merging them together based on the common reasons you have them. Before trying each of the strategies below, list your priorities from most important to least important as best you can.
Strategy #1 Warren Buffett Elimination Strategy
The legendary investor advises his employees to make a list of all their priorities using a two List System or also called his 25-5 Rule.
Then he asks them to circle their top five priorities.
Finally, he tells them the remaining priorities they did not circle are to be “avoid-at-all costs”.
The point here is that success comes from focus. When you take on too many priorities, you spread yourself too thin and you end up with lots of mediocre accomplishments instead of a handful of stellar ones.
I know this strategy comes off as more of an “elimination” strategy, rather than an “integrated” one. I recommend using it to help you discover how many of your lesser priorities can be absorbed by your larger ones that will satisfy similar needs.
For example, I would rather spend more time outside than exercise, so I chose forms of exercise that get me outside instead of requiring me to be in a gym. Both needs get satisfied, but I compromised my lesser priority of exercise to strengthen my priority to spend more time outside.
Strategy #2 Alternative Approaches to Priorities
First, list your priorities from most important to least important as best you can.
Now list three different ways you can accomplish each priority that will make you feel satisfied.
For your least important priorities, focus on approaches that take the least amount of time to get them off your list and out of your head, so you can focus more of your time on your most important priorities.
Strategy #3 Turn Lesser Priorities Into Goals of Larger Ones
Go back and analyze your common reasons shared by most of your priorities. Particularly reasons shared by some of your most important priorities and your least important ones.
Now identify less important priorities that can be turned into “goals” of your more important ones.
You can make more efficient use of your time by still satisfying a lesser priority by focusing on a more important one.
The goal of this strategy is to give context to priorities that probably didn’t deserve the designation of “priority,” but are better defined as “goals” of your more important ones.
Strategy #4 Identify Hidden Priorities
Sometimes it’s possible to discover a hidden priority shared by two competing projects. Once revealed the two projects can be framed in the new context of the previously hidden priority.
For example, I had a friend who wanted to create an online course to help people buy their first rental income property. He was frustrated that he couldn’t spend more time working on it because so much of his time was being used to buy a new rental property for himself.
I told him to stop looking at both projects as competing priorities. Instead, he could document the process of the rental property he was currently buying, which could later serve as the foundation of the course he wanted to build.
Turns out the common priority between the two was to generate passive income. Both priorities could be easily integrated to accomplish his previously hidden priority.
Examples of Integrating Priorities
There are loads of benefits to integrating your competing priorities. You can reduce your anxiety, save yourself lots of time and increase your focus on your “Why”. It also has the potential to create new work opportunities that only you are uniquely qualified to do.
Here some some examples of people I have interviewed in the past who have successfully integrated competing priorities to create new work opportunities for themselves.
Jennifer Idol
She integrated her competing priorities of graphic design, scuba diving, protecting the environment and photography to start her own business called The Underwater Designer.
She travels all over the country photographing life in various types of waterways to bring awareness for preserving these fragile environments. She sells her photos and design services to business that specializes in products and services that benefit from waterways.
Regan Starr
He integrated his competing priorities of web development, entrepreneur, music educator and piano player by pitching Steinway & Sons to create a new position suited to his unique qualities: manager of digital media.
In this role, he oversaw the creation of digital content to educate potential customers about Steinway pianos and shared his passion for playing the piano. Check out the video he sent to Steinway that helped land him the job!
Ryan Gray, MD and Allison Gray, MD
Both Ryan and Allison integrated their competing priorities of wanting to spend more time together, their medical school knowledge and creating a side business by starting MedicalSchoolHQ.net.
During the first few years of their marriage, they lived apart because Ryan was a flight surgeon assigned to Dover Air Force Base while Allison was finishing her residency in Boston.
During that time Ryan was giving a lot of young military personal advice on how to get into medical school. He pitched Allison the idea of starting a side business to work on something meaningful together while they live apart. You never know where your business idea might come from!
How I Conduct My Weekly Self-Assessment Review
So, what do you really want to do with your life?
It’s a tough question. Probably the hardest one you’ll ever have to answer in life.
For years my life was directed by external expectations from others.
Whether I like to admit that or not.
My source of energy came from brute force. By my early 30s, I discovered relying on sheer will alone was an unsustainable source of energy. It left me chronically anxious.
I didn’t clarify my purpose until I started a self-awareness practice. Start paying attention to what makes you curious and why you react to various circumstances in life the way you do.
I believe one of the easiest and most effective self-awareness methods is writing a weekly self-assessment review.
If you are serious about changing the course of your life, I know you can find an hour or so every week to put on the brakes of your life to see if you are headed in the direction you intended.
The Structure of My Weekly Self-Assessment Review
It doesn’t matter how you conduct your weekly review, it just matters that you do it. Consistency is also key, so you can measure your progress against your goals.
My weekly review is divided into three parts:
Part I: Primary Goal Assessment
Part II: Growth Habits Assessment
Part III: Creating a New Weekly Goal
The following is what works for me. The foundation of my weekly self-assessment monitors my four core growth habits that both sustain and replenish my source of energy:
1) Reflecting
2) Learning
3) Connecting
4) Creating
These are the habits that create value, move me toward my purpose and engage me with other people, so I can work and live on my terms.
Part 1: Primary Goal Assessment
My primary goal for the week isn’t necessarily a specific achievement, but rather a theme for guiding my actions for the week.
It provides focus on a goal that will have the biggest impact on my life or work.
The biggest benefit of theming my week is that it liberates me from the daily “to-do lists” that used to dominate my life. They made me feel like I was never getting enough done and constantly running out of time.
Now I look at my daily tasks in the context of my weekly goal. It provides breathing room for the chaos of life that inevitably happens.
My bad days get balanced out by my good days, making me feel more satisfied with my life and work at the end of each week.
A weekly perspective also reveals patterns in my thoughts and behaviors more clearly. It provides me with more examples, experiences and data about my track record and adjustments I need to make to my habits.
My biggest lesson? I’m a much better judge of my time weekly than on a daily basis!
Part 2: Growth Habits Assessment
Life is growth. It comes from having a clear purpose and challenging yourself. I measure my growth by whether or not I’m creating value for others.
It’s amazing how easily we humans can get so easily distracted from our goals and often fail to live up to our values.
If all your actions are reactions to external forces, you aren’t living your life intentionally based on your core values.
You are unknowingly outsourcing all your decisions to others and taking no personal responsibility for your actions.
You are stuck in survival mode. You aren’t growing. You are just existing. You are stuck.
From all my research, interviews and life experiences, the most successful people throughout the ages in every field have been able to direct their lives from within by instituting some sort of regular self-reflection practice in their lives.
It’s an opportunity to check in with yourself to see if your actions and habits are in alignment with your purpose and your values.
Following are the three core growth habits I monitor each week to measure my development and to create value for others.
#1 Connecting
You need to constantly expand your community of connections.
Even if you consider yourself an introvert, humans evolved to work together. If you want to grow, you need to build community.
The popular myth in American culture of the rugged individualist is a false one.
There is no such thing as a “self-made” man or woman. They may provide a vision or leadership, but trust me they had a lot of help turning their ideas into reality.
Too often we stay in the comfort zone of our existing social and professional circles.
No doubt they are an important source of emotional support, but growth comes from being challenged by new people with different ideas.
I connect with people on a weekly basis for three primary reasons:
A) To learn from them.
I allow my curiosities to introduce me to new people. I connect with people based on mutual interests. I’m seeking new friends, not just “connections”.
B) To help them.
It’s amazing how much faster you can grow in almost anything in life when you put your focus on others and not on yourself.
I participate in a weekly mastermind group. Honestly, I learn things I never knew I needed to learn from the calls when I’m helping someone else work through their challenges instead of mine!
C) To get unstuck.
We all get stuck in our own heads. Do you know the fastest way to get unstuck? Talk it out with someone you trust!
My mom was a huge advocate of getting things off your chest and getting problems out into the open, so they didn’t fester inside your head. The process was often difficult, but darn it, it worked!
We always think engaging with someone means offering our help, but I have learned a more powerful method of engagement is simply asking for help.
People love to feel appreciated and to know they are important in your life.
Staying inside our own heads is probably our biggest productivity suck.
Next time you feel stuck, talk it out and save yourself a ton of time and energy!
#2 Learning
Learning is a lifelong pursuit. It doesn’t stop with formal education. Sorry!
Our economy is changing so rapidly, we constantly need to acquire new knowledge and learn new skills.
At the same time, life seems to hand out lessons when you least expect them. Sometimes those are the most important lessons.
They shed light on areas of my life that need improvement or adjustments. My self-reflection practice has made me more aware of these moments and how to pay attention to them.
Too many of us don’t enjoy learning because we’ve never been provided the opportunity to discover how we really like to learn.
To begin your learning habit, choose something you are really curious about and then experiment with different methods of learning to discover how you enjoy learning.
#3 Creating
We all have to show our work now. It’s no longer enough to just talk about it. Just as artists have portfolios of their work, the rest of us need to follow suit.
One of the number reasons so many people feel miserable in their work is because of a lack of creativity and a desire to create value.
Guess what? The economy where you can hide behind your resume and derive your self-worth from corporate brands is fading away.
What I love most about creating original work is the opportunity to put my own take on something. It’s an expression of my core values. It also enables me to engage with others in a deeper way that challenges me to grow.
Let me be clear, when I write about some of the stuff I “create,” it’s far from perfection. Very far. It’s more of a continuous rough draft of experimentation!
Real creation is all about the freedom to fail and to learn from your past efforts. Just go for it!
As you might have guessed, each of these activities is intertwined and feed off each other.
Practicing these three core habits (plus the habit of self-refection) is not just the engine of my life, but yours too.
Humans evolved as a species to imagine things that never previously existed and to bring those ideas to life by working together. No matter how sophisticated our technology becomes it won’t rewire those basic instincts.
Download our Daily Growth Journal to start practicing these growth habits.
Part 3: Creating a New Weekly Goal
My primary goal for the week isn’t necessarily a specific achievement, but rather a theme for guiding my actions for the week.
Sometimes my goal for the upcoming week is immediately obvious.
When it’s not, I use the following method for devising my goal:
First, I consult with my three-year goals. Currently, it’s to:
help 1,000 people work on their terms
renovate the house I recently bought
grow the economy of North Adams, MA (where I now call home)
build a meaningful relationship with a woman who enjoys travel as much as I do.
This helps bring deeper intention to both my daily and weekly actions, so I can live in closer alignment with my larger goals and purpose.
Second, I assess all my obligations in the week ahead. I may have a fairly clear schedule, I might have a lot of meetings or I might be going on vacation.
This helps me assess how much time and energy I will have available to me in the week ahead. Sometimes I just have to let go and other times I need to be more rigid. Every week is a little different.
Third, I review my previous week’s accomplishments. I may have had a great week and feel I need to stay on track to take advantage of the momentum I created or it may have been a less productive week indicating I might need to reassess and switch gears.
Time to Start Your Own Weekly Review
If you read this far, you knew this was coming!
Whether you are stuck, struggling to find purpose in your work or having trouble getting your business idea off the ground, a weekly review will drop some hard knowledge on you by forcing you to get honest with yourself.
two simple actions to get started:
1) Write down something you really want to change in how you work.
2) Now write down the three most important habits you need to practice each day to make that change happen.
Either you want to change the direction of your life or you want to blame someone else for what ails you.
I have discovered the latter is a complete waste of time.
When I have focused 100% of my energy on the former good stuff happens in my life.
It can for you too.
Check out our 12-Week Self Assessment Challenge to learn more about yourself to design work that works for you.
How Much Money You Need To Be Happy
How much money do you really need to be happy?
That’s one of the first questions I ask someone when they are figuring out what they really want to do for work.
The most common response I get is $100,000 a year.
Then I asked them, “Where did you get that number from?”
Most are stumped by my question. They pulled that number out of thin air and have no idea why!
Others give me a more honest and revealing answer.
They basically tell me because it “sounds good” when they tell other people. More on that in a moment!
For whatever reason, all of us have been taught that making $100,000 a year is the minimum threshold to be considered financially successful. (I’ve seen articles written about why making $300,000 a year is the new $100,000.)
You know what’s even more interesting? Studies have shown that the impact of our annual income on our overall happiness isn’t exponential for everyone.
In fact, it plateaus around $100,000 for most people, which means a lower return on your happiness for every dollar you make beyond that point.
So why the gap between desiring $100K and attaining optimal satisfaction at $75K?
If you will permit me, let me share my own personal experience.
I once fell under the spell of the $100K unicorn. I worked my butt off to gain admittance to this supposedly semi-exclusive club. However, once I crossed over that magic threshold my satisfaction quickly vanished.
It’s almost like landing yourself on the waiting list of a velvet-rope club. You feel super important. You are high on the illusion of hanging with an exclusive group of people normally just out of your reach.
After spending a few minutes inside Xanadu, you realize it’s just another club serving booze. The people have more attitude, but the same insecurities.
I thought making $100K would finally make me less anxious about work, but it only made me more anxious. It did, however, make me realize two things: 1) I needed to discover my own source of happiness and 2) I wanted to answer the question, “How much money do I really need to make to feel satisfied?”
The Comparison Trap
You know the real reason why most of us want to make $100K a year?
We think it will impress other people. They’ll think “he’s made it”.
It makes us feel important.
Like it or not, we all like to feel important. Not only do we want to feel valued, we want to be admired. It’s part of being human.
We all have our own way of how we need to feel important. Making $100K is a widely accepted definition of success in our society.
The overriding piece of advice from Dale Carnegie’s classic book, How to Win Friends and Influence People is to make everyone feel important if you want to get along with just about anyone. That’s about everything you need to know about dealing with humans.
You know what else we crave? Status. We’re hardwired for it.
Here’s my take from all the books I’ve digested about how our brains really work: our instincts drive us to seek our self-worth by comparing ourselves to other people.
But not by just anyone, but by our peers and our tribe. People who are very similar to us. For example, you probably place much greater importance on impressing your colleagues than someone from a completely different profession.
I call our desire to feel important and our craving for status, “the comparison trap”. In our modern lives, these behaviors make us feel like we “aren’t enough”. They make us feel anxious.
Back in the hunter/gatherer phase of human history, these mental maps were life saviors. Life was unpredictable and dangerous. You needed people you could count on because your very survival depended on it!
If you weren’t considered an important part of the tribe, you might get left behind. Your status was determined by the value you brought to the tribe. It most likely influenced how much food you received, special privileges or the type of work you might do.
The basic survival needs for most of us today are more than satisfied, but our need to “prove ourselves” has not diminished. (Although far too many still go hungry in our country.)
So exactly how do we know if we are succeeding in life if we don’t compare ourselves to the accomplishments of others?
We need to look inside ourselves. We need to compare our accomplishments against our own personal benchmarks.
When you think about it, making $100K a year is someone else’s goal, but is it yours?
The secret I discovered to stop comparing myself to others is by giving a voice to my inner voice.
You can do that by developing a self-awareness practice, so you can finally learn about the real you. I believe the most effective self-awareness practice is writing about your thoughts, feelings and actions every day.
For me, happiness comes from helping others create their own work and from having faith in my daily work habits.
Whether I make $50K or $100K from my habits, it doesn’t matter. As long as I have enough to live the life I want to live and enjoy creating the work I do.
Calculate the Cost of Your Lifestyle
Rather than guessing how much you need to make each year, why not calculate it? It’s possible.
When you become focused on making $100K a year, you actually put off living the lifestyle you really want.
You might say to yourself, “After I make $100K a year, then I’m going to buy the car I’ve always wanted or I’ll finally take a trip around the world.”
When you calculate the true cost of your ideal lifestyle, it’s not as much as you might think. You can start living your dreams right now. It might be over $100K, but I’m guessing for most of you, it will be much less than that!
You can find out how much money you really need by calculating the following:
1) Your total debt. (Credit cards, student loans, car loan, mortgages, etc.) Your monthly debt payment is determined by how quickly you want to be debt-free.
2) Your monthly living expenses. (Utilities, phone, cable/WiFi, food, insurance, transportation, clothes, etc.) Calculate how much money you spent over the past year on all your basic living expenses and divide by 12 to determine your monthly average.
3) Cost of unbudgeted expenses. (Entertainment, recreation, gifts, trips, one-time purchases, emergencies, etc.) Add up all of your unbudgeted expenses for the past year and divide by 12 to determine your monthly average.
4) Cost of stuff and experiences you want. These are possessions and experiences you want, but think you can’t afford. Include anything you want to change about your life and its associated costs. When you finally put a real dollar amount on your aspirations, suddenly they seem a bit more achievable than you previously assumed!
5) Income and business taxes. To calculate your true annual income, don’t forget about paying your income taxes and any taxes related to a business you own.
Now take the total cost of all the stuff and experiences you want and divide by 12.
That’s how much it would cost you on a monthly basis if you did everything within one year.
If it’s too much, what does that money number look like if you spread out the cost over two years or even three years? Is it more doable?
If all these calculations are still too much math for you, I created a Lifestyle Calculator to compute everything for you. All you need to do is plug in your numbers.
Click here to download the Lifestyle Calculator now.
One final recommendation.
Once you’ve calculated how much money you need to make each year to live your ideal lifestyle, I highly recommend saving enough money to cover all your expenses for one year for exactly how you want to live.
For example, you might have determined you need $65,000 to live your ideal lifestyle, so I recommend saving that same amount.
Nothing will make you feel more confident about your career options than having a year’s worth of expenses behind you!
3 Uncommon Ways To Save Money Without A Budget
I know budgets aren’t for everyone, so I have an alternative approach to boost your financial discipline. I’m going to share how to save money without a budget.
Instead of sticking to a budget, change your spending habits instead.
I’ve learned to save a ton of money in my life without pinching pennies!
My frugal spending habits helped me become financially independent.
I once helped a friend get out of $20,000 in debt in less than two years using the advice I’m about to share with you.
She was only making $50,000 a year at the time. And she did it without giving up spending on her priorities and what she enjoyed from life.
Here’s the secret: you have to pay attention to your habits. Specifically, your spending habits.
You are nothing more than the sum of your habits. Spending money is a habit that can be easily measured.
How you spend your money says a ton about your priorities. You might view your life in one way, but your credit card statement tells a much different story.
The goal is to identify your unproductive spending habits—the habits that are doing nothing to help you achieve your goal of saving a lot of money quickly.
In fact, they might even be working against you.
Hang With Frugal People
Your mom was right, you are the company you keep.
Humans are super social beings. Without even thinking about it, we take on the mindset, habits and traits of our tribe.
If you hang with people who spend a lot of money, guess what? You’re going to spend more money too!
If you hang with people who are frugal, guess what? You’re much more likely to spend less money!
Funny how that works, huh?
Start saving a lot of money without using a budget by studying the spending habits of your immediate social circle.
First, make a list of the people you hang out with the most.
Second, write down the three most common activities you do with each person next to their name.
For example, you might spend most of your time with one friend going to bars, on trips and to concerts.
The core activities you share with someone else on your list might be running, making dinner at home and attending free, local music events. One of those people is getting you to spend much more money than the other.
I’m not saying ditch your friends who enjoy the finer things in life!
However, you do have some tough choices to make if you are committed to saving more money. You might spend less time with them or invite them to lower-cost activities. If they are a true friend, they will respect the decisions you are making in your life.
I’ve known people who’ve taken even more drastic action. They changed their entire social circle by moving to a new city with a lower cost of living. Myself included!
I lived in New York City during my 20’s and I had a blast, but my wallet didn’t fare as well. Eventually, I realized I had to leave the city I loved if I ever wanted to get ahead financially.
You know why I also like hanging with frugal people? They don’t care what other people think about them. They live their life on their terms.
Make a List of Your Unproductive Habits
Yup, I’m going to ask you to make another list! This time, it’s a list of all your discretionary spending. All the stuff you spend money on outside of your monthly bills.
I want you to focus on all the spending you do when you want to kick back and relax. The stuff that comforts you when you’ve had a rough day, like:
Ice cream or other junk food
Wine or beer
Coffee
Video games
Netflix
Shopping to kill time
Hitting the bars and clubs
Eating out
And any other way you are spending money to escape from reality.
Again, I’m not asking you to quit cold turkey. I’m also not judging you. I’m not telling you to identify your “bad” habits, but rather your “unproductive” habits. The habits that are doing absolutely nothing to help you with your goal of saving more money.
In my late 20’s, I started gaining tighter control over my personal finances.
As part of that process, I discovered I was spending around $400 a month on alcohol! I told you New York was a seductress! I immediately gave up drinking for four months and had $1600 back in my pocket. It was like I gave myself a raise!
You might also discover a correlation between your unproductive spending habits and the big spenders in your social circle. At least that was the case for me. When I quit drinking, I started spending less time with my bar buddies, who weren’t all that thrifty.
Try Doing Everything Yourself First
We live in some very convenient times, don’t we? More and more gadgets do work for us and it’s never been easier to hire people to take care of specific tasks.
All that convenience might save you time, but it’s costing you money. Spending on Uber rides, meals from Blue Apron and getting people on TaskRabbit to do our chores for us adds up!
Start a new habit of trying to do everything for yourself first. Give it a shot. For stuff you don’t know how to do or thought you could never do, find a YouTube video to show you how. Here are some ideas:
Do your own grocery shopping once a week.
Make your own coffee in the morning.
Bring your own lunch to work.
Try changing the oil in your car.
Make your own dinner.
Clean your house every Saturday morning.
Before you call a plumber, see if you can fix it first.
Do your own laundry once a week.
Walk, bike or take mass transportation to work.
Need a gift for someone? Get creative and make them something. It’s way more meaningful than a gift card!
Be a social director and plan interesting events that don’t require going to a bar or restaurant.
Cut your own grass, rake your own leaves and shovel your own snow!
Get in the habit of asking yourself this question, “Before I pay someone to do this, can I do it myself?”
The task you need to get done might not take as long as you imagine. It also might be a much more productive use of your time instead of zoning out in front of a screen.
As I did more and more for myself, I felt a greater sense of control over my life. I felt less dependent and more empowered.
I know this advice might feel overwhelming to you, but do it task by task. Planning will also go a long way to reducing the amount of time you spend doing all this stuff for yourself. Most importantly, you’ll save a ton of money!
What’s The Cost of Your Ideal Lifestyle?
I’m making an assumption here, but people who want to save a lot of money are doing it to make a big change in their life. You might want to be debt-free, to work for yourself or to take a big adventure like traveling around the world.
Speaking from experience, you will be more committed to your new spending habits once you’ve identified the cost of your ideal lifestyle.
Do you know how much money you really need to make every month to do everything you want to do? If not, please consider checking out our free Lifestyle Calculator.
It will help you compare your current financial situation with the finances required for your ideal lifestyle. After that, you just need a plan to get from where you are right now to where you want to go!
How Work Is Changing As You Know It
Do you know why more and more people feel anxious about their work?
Maybe even you feel more anxious.
I believe it’s because most of us are playing the old rules to a new game we aren’t aware we’re even playing.
We have no idea how work is changing as we know it.
All work is currently undergoing its most radical transformation since the Industrial Revolution. It’s changing even more dramatically than it did for someone who left the family farm for a factory job in a big city during the late 1800s.
In 1850, just as the Industrial Revolution was gathering steam, well over half of Americans still worked as farmers. By 1920, that number fell to 30%. Today, less than 2% of Americans are farmers.
In 2020, approximately 50% of the private workforce was working for themselves in some capacity. Automation will affect 60% of all occupations by 2030.
How you get work, what you do for work, how you perform your work, where you work, how you work with other people and how you get paid is all about to change.
What’s causing work to fundamentally change? There are four primary trends: 1) permanent state of change 2) automation 3) decentralization of management and 4) infinite niches.
#1 Permanent State of Change
Your work is now in a permanent state of change.
My father worked for AT&T for 30 years. Then he worked for 12 years at Bayer Pharmaceuticals before retiring at the age of 62.
Within the first five years of my career, I held seven different positions at five different companies!
My father’s story is one for the history books. My story is the new reality.
The average job tenure right now is 4.5 years and it’s 2.8 years for those under the age of 34.
Half-Life of Skills
Think of a skill you’ve learned for your work within the last two years.
That skill will start losing its value in the next few years and in less than 10 years it will have no value at all.
Baby boomers used to be able to learn a skill and to count on using that same skill for 20 or more years.
Today the half-life of skills has fallen to less than five years. What the heck does that mean?
The “half-life” of a skill refers to the period of time a skill is innovated, flourishes and then becomes irrelevant.
I’m going to steal this awesome example from Nathan Lustig to explain how the half-life of driving skills has changed over the course of human history.
If you lived during the 1800s, not only could you have been employed as a horse-drawn carriage driver your entire life, you might have come from a long line of carriage drivers in your family!
Fast forward to today. If you’ve been an Uber driver over the past decade, the value of your skill will decline as more and more self-driving cars hit the roads during our lifetime.
What does this mean for your career?
Continuous Reskilling
You will be constantly learning new skills throughout your career. Gone are the days of graduating from college and putting the “learning phase” of your life behind you.
Reskilling yourself every few years is now a permanent feature of work. In fact, self-employed workers are better prepared to learn new skills than traditional employees.
Research shows the average employee has roughly 25 minutes a week or 5 minutes a day for training.
Limited time is one reason why only 30% of employees v. 55% independent workers are engaged in learning new skills. Independent workers are motivated to learn new skills to take advantage of new opportunities.
#2 Automation
Let me bust one myth right now about automation: it’s going to change work, not eliminate it. (At least not in the next 20 years.)
If anything, it’s going to eliminate the tedious work most of us complain about doing!
Less than 5% of current work will be fully automated in the coming years, but automation will change how 60% of occupations do their work.
In fact, 82% of 18,000 employers from 43 countries in a recent survey stated they plan on maintaining or increasing their current staff levels.
Skills Gap
The work most at risk for automation is routine work of any kind, whether blue collar or white collar.
On the other hand, automation is creating a need for new types of work and skills. There are several industries suffering a “skills gap”. There are more jobs available than people with the necessary skills to fill them.
For example, there will be an estimated 1 million more computer-related jobs than applicants by 2020. 60,000 high-tech agriculture jobs are being created each year, but only 35,000 students are graduating each year with related degrees.
Self-Employed Earning More
As someone who has worked for themselves for the past 17 years, I am so thankful for automation!
It has made running my business so much easier and more profitable!
There are more and more millionaire solopreneurs than ever before. It’s been one of the biggest trends in work today as chronicled in the recently published book, The Million-Dollar One-Person Business by Eliane Pofeldt.
In 2017, there was a 5% increase of independent workers making more than $100,000 each year.
From my own personal experience and interviews with hundreds of self-employed workers, I believe automation is the primary reason for this increase in wealth.
Automated accounting, marketing and communication technologies have helped me do more than I could do on my own and for less than hiring a team of full-time employees to do all my routine work.
#3 Decentralized Management
How many jobs have you left because of your boss?
How many jobs have you left because you didn’t get to work how you work best or because you didn’t get to do the work you wanted to do?
Good news! The days of working in centralized management structures are numbered.
Getting Rid of Hierarchies
In 2014, the online shoe retailer Zappos known for its devotion to making its customer happy made a radical announcement. They got rid of their bosses. They scrapped their hierarchy in favor of a self-management philosophy called holacracy.
The theory behind holacracy is to get rid of bureaucracy that holds back innovation.
It promises to maximize growth by empowering employees to function more like a computer operating system by making decisions in real time as new scenarios and opportunities arise without approval from above.
In 2010, Basecamp founder Jason Fried delivered a TED talk, called Why work doesn’t happen at work. He cited meetings and managers as the two primary reasons.
Employees interacting with customers on a daily basis are also more likely to be in tune with the nuances of evolving trends than the CEO.
The Zappos experiment hasn’t been without its setback, but visionary entrepreneurs know the most effective way to adapt is by learning from experimentation.
By the way, this is not an entirely new idea. In the 1980s, General Motors partnered with Toyota to build the Nummi auto plant in Fremont, CA to learn Toyota’s distinctive management techniques.
Toyota took over the worst performing GM plant and turned it into one of it’s best almost overnight. How? They empowered assembly line workers to make decisions, making production more efficient.
General Motors, however, failed to successfully implement what it learned from Toyota at its other plants. Today the Nummi plant is owned by Tesla.
Self-management might not be the best approach for every company, but I do believe corporate structures over the next decade will look more like holacracy and less like 20th-century hierarchies.
The Rungs Are Falling Off the Corporate Ladder
Since the 1980s corporate hierarchies have been continuously flattened.
In 1986, an average of four managers reported directly to a CEO. By 2003 that increased to seven direct reports as middle management positions were cut.
There is less and less need for middle managers as automation, outsourcing and hiring temporary workers increases.
Entry level jobs recent graduates once counted on as their first step up the corporate ladder are also being eliminated by automation.
Collaborative management software like Basecamp, Dropbox, Slack, Trello and countless others, empower teams to manage themselves. Artificial intelligence is only going to make those platforms smarter and smarter, helping people work more efficiently without the need for managers.
Getting Work From Distributed Networks
Your relationships and your portfolio of work are more important than credentials from universities and corporations. Period.
Resumes are on the cusp of becoming a relic of the past.
Less than 15% of people today get jobs by applying for them.
They find work through their relationships. In fact, research from Facebook shows the majority of people get most of their work from so-called “weak ties” or mutual connections, rather than from direct relationships.
Building a trusted collective of your peers has never been more important for finding work.
People are also getting more work from digital platforms.
According to research from Pew, 24% of Americans earned money from digital platforms by selling stuff on eBay, driving people around via Uber, performing domestic tasks via TaskRabbit and getting freelance project work from Upwork.
These “on-demand” work platforms provide an alternative source of work to traditional hierarchies.
As the “gig economy” continues to evolve, more elite platforms offering higher paying work are now emerging like Reedsy for writers and publishers, Gigster for software engineers and Working Not Working for tech freelancers.
#4 Infinite Niche Markets
When I started my previous business, Local Broadcast Sales in 2008, I only had 50 potential customers. That’s it!
I sold access to an online video archive of digital advertising sales training to state broadcast associations. There’s only one broadcast association in each state.
Each association that bought my service, gave access to all their member TV and radio stations. At the height of the company, I had 32 associations as clients and generated $600,000 a year.
My point? There are riches in niches!
We are moving out of an economy of mass production toward one of mass personalization.
Let me ask you this, how many different beverages do you think the Cola-Cola Company sells besides Coke?
To maintain their 22% market share of the non-alcoholic marketing in 2017, they sold 3,500 different beverages representing 500 brands!
Consumers now want everything customized to their tastes, which means more opportunity for you to satisfy their needs!
The Long Tail
In 2004, editor-in-chief of Wired Magazine Chris Anderson wrote an article about the rising opportunity for a greater range of niche products and services to become profitable businesses because of the Internet. He called it the “The Long Tail Theory“.
The orange portion of the sales curve above represents the sales of niche products. The red portion represents mass-produced products.
Prior to the Internet, most industries could only invest in mass-produced products and services because that was the only way to make a profit to justify their original investment.
The Internet made selling more niche products profitable because it eliminated physical constraints.
For example, a grocery store has limited space. They can only sell the most popular items to squeeze every bit of profitability out of their limited shelf space. Amazon, on the other hand, is not limited by physical constraints, so you can buy almost any food item you want from them.
The Internet also lowered the barrier to entry into the marketplace by making it easier and cheaper for niche products and services to find customers.
My mom loves doing puzzles and loves adult coloring books. Thanks to the Internet I was able to find her a puzzle that she could color for her last birthday!
The Internet has made finding very niche items and selling them possible.
Don’t Fit In
The mass-market economy valued conformity. It promoted an ethos to consume more and more stuff, so each of us felt like we fit in and felt accepted.
The market of infinite niches does not value sameness. The new status is having the courage to be yourself and to be unapologetic about it.
One of the most basic rules of marketing is to create a product or service that’s different from what already exists.
What’s more unique than you and your approach to selling a solution to a problem you are excited about solving?
The more you are yourself, the more you will attract people who are aligned with your values and want to support your work.
Here’s a sample of people I’ve interviewed who have built super niche businesses around their passions and values:
PJ Jonas, founder of Goat Milk Stuff. She sells soap made from goat milk. Her business supports her entire family of 10.
Griffin Jones, founder of Fertility Bridge. His digital marketing agency serves fertility clinics in North America. He only has 200 potential clients and he generated $250,000 in 2017.
Kina McAllister, founder of MySTEMbox. She sells a monthly subscription box of science experiments for girls ages 7 to 12. She shipped over 6,000 boxes in 2016.
Lenny Gale, founder of Life is NOYOKE. He and his wife become the #1 affiliate marketers of Vitamix blenders writing about vegan smoothie recipes.
Have a crazy idea? No has never been a better time in the history of humankind to give it a shot!
Your Response to These 4 Trends
I know this is a lot to take in, especially if most of this information is new to you.
I know it might be tempting to go hide under the covers and lock yourself in your bedroom until this passes, but this is the new normal. The best way to deal with it is to face it.
I am on a mission to educate as many people as possible about what’s happening to work as we know it and that we can all do something about it!
Here’s how to respond to each of the above trends:
#1 Permanent Change
Never stop learning. Be open to change.
#2 Automation
Don’t be threatened by technology. Make it work for you.
#3 Decentralization
Your best source of work comes from your personal relationships.
#4 Infinite Niches
Be yourself and trust that the people who believe in your work will find you.
As you might image, I believe working for yourself sooner rather than later is the most effective way to prepare yourself for the future of work.
Start by assessing yourself and your potential by enrolling in our free 12-week Self-Assessment Challenge.
Ready to start creating work that works for you?
My Beliefs. What Do You Believe?
I think it’s safe to say we’re all living through a time of unprecedented change both in terms of its breadth, depth and intensity.
I’m often asked what motivates me to keep pushing forward despite the chronic uncertainty we all now face. I tell them it’s my beliefs.
I believe my survival depends on being true to myself in all that I do. I’m cool with missing out on opportunities that aren’t in alignment with my values.
I believe the future of work is self-employment. (The sooner you realize this the better;)
I believe the 9 to 5 lifestyle is unnatural.
I believe I only have 4 hours a day to do my best work.
I believe my time is more important than money.
I believe these are life skills that matter.
I believe in taking breaks, naps and month-long vacations to restore.
I believe to receive you have to give, but don’t forget to give to yourself.
I believe fear is just my brain being an overprotective parent.
I believe excuses are the most insidious form of procrastination.
I believe everyone has the capacity to work for themselves.
I believe the most valuable contribution you can make to the world is to be yourself.
I believe joy and meaning are the most powerful motivators.
I believe trusting my gut leads to better decisions than trusting my rational thoughts.
I believe I need to worry more about accepting myself and less about acceptance from others.
I believe all marketing is designed to make us feel insecure.
I believe soft skills are more durable than hard skills.
I believe work doesn’t have to be miserable to be considered work.
I believe travel is the best way to get unstuck.
I believe I will never work for anyone again and no one will ever work for me.
I believe success can only be defined by you and no one else.
I believe it doesn’t matter what I say, it only matters what I do.
I believe I already have enough to do whatever it is I want to do.
I believe the fountain of youth is to never stop being curious.
I believe we all have the capacity to help each other create our own work.
I believe the less I have, the more I can do.
I believe I will never achieve perfection, I will only keep getting better.
I believe you don’t need permission to do the work you want to do.
I believe happiness comes from what energizes you, not from what others think of you.
I believe you don’t need to accept anything that doesn’t make sense to you.
I believe anxiety is caused by living out of alignment with who you really are.
I believe the easier way becomes the harder way. Embrace discomfort to grow. Shun comfort, so you don’t become numb.
I believe in collaboration, not competition to create value.
I believe self-awareness is the single most important skill you can ever learn.
I believe intentions are more useful than goals and habits are more effective than to-do lists.
I believe I will never have it all figured out and that’s OK.
What do you believe?
Build a Six-Figure Business From Fewer Than 1,000 Customers
I generated over $600,000 annually from 2009-2013 in my previous sales and digital marketing training business from a pool of just 50 potential customers.
I helped a friend and colleague generate over $200,000 from a base of only 200 potential clients in less than two years.
In my sales training days, I helped a business development manager generate $70,000 in less than five days from fewer than 30 target clients.
Sounds too good to be true, doesn’t it?
But it isn’t.
The most overlooked business opportunity today is “micro niches”.
What’s a Micro Niche?
I define a micro niche as a market with fewer than 1,000 potential customers who want to buy your product or service.
Just because the customer base might be small, doesn’t mean the revenue opportunity is. There are riches in niches!
This opportunity is growing faster and faster because the mass market is breaking up into a market of infinite niches. Everyone now wants custom products and personalized services to fit their needs and to express their unique identity.
And guess what?
Your most valuable opportunity in a market of infinite niches is to get paid for what YOU are good at or most interested in!
A Smoother Path to Entrepreneurship
Do you want more freedom?
Do you want to learn how to build a six-figure business from what you already know, so you can work and live on your terms?
Lots of people have that desire, but too few people act on it. Why?
They get overwhelmed by all the different decisions they need to make to get a business off the ground.
They don’t know where to start. They take some action, but struggle to make progress. Fear takes over.
They remain stuck in their job. They convince themselves they don’t have what it takes.
Maybe that’s you.
From my experience working with first-time entrepreneurs over the past decade, here are the five most common obstacles people struggle with when starting a business for the first time:
1) Finding and validating a business idea.
2) Identifying a target customer.
3) Self-management.
4) Creating a steady supply of customers.
5) Feeling alone and obligated to run every aspect of the business.
What if I told you there was a way to start a business by eliminating or dramatically reducing each of those five core obstacles?
It’s possible. I’ve done it. I’ve advised many other people on how to do it too.
I call it the “Niche Tribe Model”.
Not only does this model smooth your path to working for yourself, it also responds to one of the fastest-growing business opportunities: micro niches.
The Niche Tribe Model
Imagine getting paid very well to be the “go-to person” for a tribe of businesses that highly value something you are really good at? It’s possible!
That’s the basic philosophy behind the Niche Tribe Model.
It also helps struggling first-time entrepreneurs start their business with:
No debt. It doesn’t require debt to start your business.
A sharp focus. It’s structured to focus on your “zone of confidence” by working on something you are already good at and with people who excite you.
No cold selling. It doesn’t require a sales strategy, but rather an education strategy to generate revenue.
A validated business idea. It takes much of the guesswork out of figuring out who’s your ideal client and what they want to buy from you.
Ability to design your workday. It empowers you to work human by giving you full control over how you use your time.
Again, this all sounds too good to be true, doesn’t it? But it isn’t!
Those I advise on how to launch their business using this method make six figures on average in less than two years.
Here’s how it all works. There are four core pillars you must practice to create a successful micro-niche business using the Niche Tribe Model:
1) Make money from what you know.
2) Be the go-to expert for a niche tribe of businesses.
3) Accelerate sales by accelerating trust.
4) Solve a problem worth solving.
Let’s dig a little deeper into how to put each pillar into action.
#1 Make Money From What You Know
If you want to work for yourself, but don’t have a business idea, that’s OK. Start with what you know! Better yet, start with what excites you most!
Try answering this question to find your business idea . . . .
What are you really good at that someone would pay you to do?
It might be a hard skill like digital marketing, sales, coding, research, accounting, IT, writing, teaching, etc. They are skills that can defined, measured and taught. They are skills typically included in a job description.
You might also do something so well it’s effortless and would be surprised that someone would even pay you for it.
These are your soft skills. They are your natural talents. Examples of soft skills include organizing events, meeting people, managing details or solving problems.
Don’t overlook your passions for ideas! What excites you?
You’d be surprised how many things you do for fun that have the potential to be turned into a business!
I interviewed a woman who had a passion for swimming and mermaids, so she started a mermaid swimming school when she lost her job. No joke! Today she has 9 schools throughout North America!
What do you want to learn more about?
It’s possible you don’t want to turn any of your most marketable skills or passions into a business, so consider acquiring a new skill.
Research emerging opportunities you want to learn more about. That’s how I discovered my micro niche for my last business.
I became fascinated with learning everything I could about digital marketing and then teaching what I learned.
As part of this process, I discovered my most marketable skill is researching new opportunities and teaching others how to do it. I had no idea until I started learning a new skill!
And now I’m doing it again with this business! I love researching the future of work and teaching people how to prepare for it!
#2 Be the Go-To Expert for a Niche Tribe of Businesses
Wouldn’t it be awesome if clients came calling on you for your expertise, instead of you chasing after them?
It’s possible!
Finding customers is probably the number one struggle for first-time entrepreneurs. It’s hard to figure out the core customer who could really benefit from your expertise.
So how do you pick a micro niche that’s right for you? Here are some recommended guidelines:
Review all your connections. Do you have a lot of connections in a particular niche? It’s never a bad idea to start a business in a niche where people already know you.
Solve a problem. Do some research to see which type of business would most benefit from your area of expertise.
Focus on less than 1,000 potential customers. It’s easier and faster to gain trust and to build your brand as the “go-to person” in your area of expertise the more you focus on your niche.
Listen to your gut. What excites you? Make a list of people, interests or companies that you’d like to work with on a regular basis. Look for patterns to help you identify your niche.
I spent the first five years of my career working in broadcast and cable television, so it was a niche naturally suited to me. I already had a lot of contacts in that industry, so that helped me gain their trust more quickly.
My growing interest in digital marketing, also helped me recognize an opportunity to help local radio and television stations learn how to generate more revenue from digital advertising.
At the time, there were approximately 1,800 local TV stations in the U.S. and 18,000 radio stations.
Now that’s already a fairly defined target customer base, but I wanted to make my sales process even more efficient by niching down even further.
I ended up focusing only on state broadcast associations that served all the radio and TV stations in each state.
There is only one association in each state, so I only had 50 potential clients.
That became my niche tribe.
#3 Accelerate Sales by Accelerating Trust
Building a business is not really about selling a product or service. It’s true.
It’s about gaining the trust of others to solve a problem they are facing. That’s it.
Gaining someone’s trust takes time, but there are ways to accelerate the trust development process. You want to listen, educate, show up and let your clients sell you.
Another sales trainer once taught me this handy “poem” to remember how trust to earned.
I can’t tell you how useful that advice has been in taking me out of a “sales mindset” and putting me into an “education mindset”. And guess what? It’s helped me generate even more revenue!
So how do you accelerate trust?
Create highly valuable content, attend a conference and contact every member of your niche directly.
Here’s the three-step process for accelerating trust:
1) Content
The most important rule of trust acceleration is showing your commitment to the needs of your niche tribe.
If members of your niche don’t believe you are one of them, they’ll never fully trust you.
To gain acceptance from your niche, you need to get to know them better than they know themselves (particularly in your area of expertise).
Get to know your niche by doing as much research as you can and then share it with them for free.
Step 1: The most effective research method is to go on a “listening tour”.
Engage at least 5% of your niche or 50 members to get to know their problems in your area of expertise.
Listening and showing you care is the most powerful trust accelerator.
This process may take several months or more than a year depending on your niche, your level of expertise and your available time.
Step 2: Turn your research into easily digestible content you can give to your niche for free.
It could be a report, a webinar, a video, a slide deck, an ebook, an infographic or whatever medium is most appropriate for sharing the information you’ve gathered.
Don’t hold back. Tell them exactly how to solve their problem. Most members of your niche don’t have the expertise or time to solve the problem, so they’ll end up hiring you to do it.
Step 3: Keep in touch by requesting an email in exchange for the highly valuable niche content.
This is how you continue to build your relationship with them by showing up in their email inbox with more valuable advice.
2) Conference
Almost every business niche has a conference or some other type of regular event. Even in the digital age, people like getting together in the real world.
In-person contact is another powerful trust accelerator.
Conferences boost trust in three powerful ways.
Trust Booster #1: Just show up.
If you want to demonstrate your commitment to your niche, there is no better way than simply showing up in person.
Trust Booster #2: Gain the undivided attention of your target clients.
They are away from their normal lives. They are fully focused on their profession. They are fully present.
Trust Booster #3: Build thought leadership.
Conferences also allow you to establish your brand as an expert for whatever it is you do in the minds of your target clients. Set a goal for the following year to attend the conference as a speaker. Don’t leave the conference without meeting the conference organizers!
Attending a conference shows you are committed to solving the problem facing your niche tribe. It demonstrates you’ve made an investment of your time and money in their cause. It shows you are “one of them” now.
3) Contact
The beauty of serving a niche of less than 1,000 possible clients gives you the ability to reach out to each of them directly.
Now I’m not talking about reaching out to them to “sell” them on your product or service. Long before you gain them as a client or even talk to them about what you do, you first need to introduce yourself.
I know that sounds like a ton of work, but it puts you on their radar.
Then you need to keep showing up like a bad penny at their conferences and in their email inbox to gain their trust!
Here are three core recommendations to reach out effectively to your niche tribe!
Recommendation #1: Before you start reaching out, break down your niche into smaller niches of less than 25 clients.
Why? It will help you accelerate trust by refining your message based on the unique needs of each business.
It will also help sustain your motivation and enthusiasm to reach out to every member of your niche.
Here are some suggestions for niching down your niche:
By size of company. Either by revenue or number of employees. You might break down your niche into small, medium and large-sized businesses.
By type of service. There might be different types of service categories within your niche.
By location. Break down your niche into various geographic locations to address nuanced needs based on geographic differences.
Recommendation #2: Don’t reach out to ask for anything. Give to receive.
When you reach out to members of your niche, you want them to view you as a resource and not as someone trying to sell them something.
Here are three different ways you can position yourself as a resource:
Listening tour. As part of your research process, you have a great excuse to reach out to ask them a specific question, to set up a free consultation or to ask them to take a survey.
Share your high-value content. Once you’ve turned your research into an easily digestible form, share it! Research the person at each company who will be most responsive to your content. If you can’t find their email online, call them and ask for it!
Ask for a meeting. If some of your potential clients live in your area, offer to buy them a cup of coffee to learn more about the problems they are facing in your area of expertise. Don’t eat alone when you attend a conference. Reach out ahead of time to set up some meal dates.
Recommendation #3: Let your success stories sell you. Your biggest advocates are clients you helped become even more successful.
They can sell you better than you can sell yourself. It’s probably the most powerful trust accelerator. When they share your success with their colleagues, it comes off like a recommendation and not a sales pitch.
Never stop documenting the success you have created for your clients. Here are some ideas:
Written testimonials.
Case studies.
Video interviews.
A word of caution! Avoid generic testimonials stating why you or your service is “great”. Ask your client to provide specific details about how you helped them and why they would recommend your services.
This will make your testimonials and case studies more engaging. Sharing details will spark questions in the minds of your potential clients, incentivizing them to reach out to you for answers!
#4 Solve a Problem Worth Solving
To fully gain the trust of your niche as a go-to expert you must never “sell” them on anything. Ever.
If you have to “sell” them on your product or service, then you haven’t done your research. You still haven’t found a problem worth solving for them.
I often recommend talking to at least 5% of your potential target niche or 50 members.
Why? Because you want to respond to patterns and trends in the data you are collecting.
You never want to make decisions on a “data point of one“. You never want to make a decision for your business after talking to just one or two of your potential clients.
The more clients you engage, the more accurate your information will be to make the best decision for your business.
Beware of the data point of one!
So how do you validate a problem worth solving based on your area of expertise in your niche?
Here are the basic criteria:
Common problem. Several of your clients keep bringing up the same problem.
Your clients get excited. They get SO excited about talking about their problem, it’s almost like they are venting their frustrations about it.
Your clients tell you exactly how they want problem solved.
Your clients can frame pain from problem in financial terms. They clearly understand how much money they can save or generate as a result of having this problem solved. They see the value in paying money to have it solved.
Your area of expertise can solve the problem. You possess the skills to find a solution to this problem.
You are excited about solving the problem. If you aren’t committed to finding a solution to a common problem your clients are sharing, don’t pursue it. To maintain your motivation to build a business, you need to maintain your excitement for solving a problem!
What are the best questions for getting your potential clients talking about their problems and how they want them solved?
Here are four questions I use to get people to open up quickly:
Question #1
Ask them what frustrates them most in their business. Follow up that question with what frustrates them the most with regard to your area of expertise.
Question #2
Don’t try to solve the problem in your first meeting. Listen. Be curious. Follow up your questions with more specific questions. If you can’t think of a specific follow-up question, default to asking, “Why?”
Question #3
Ask them how they would like to have their problem solved. Get them to open up by asking them what their “wish” would be to solve this problem without thinking about any limitations like money or time.
Question #4
Be on the lookout for what I call the “Magic Question”.
It’s a question that pops up in the course of your conversations with potential clients that gets them really talking. It gets them to let their guard down to reveal what’s really bothering them.
People want permission to vent and they want to feel heard. When you discover it, make it the first question you ask your clients thereafter.
The magic question I discovered in my early research for Life Skills That Matter was, “What’s holding you back from working on your terms?”
Remember, you want your niche to view you as a partner and as a resource, not someone selling them on something they don’t need or don’t understand.
Make them feel heard.
Once you’ve identified a problem worth solving in your chosen niche that you can solve and are excited about solving, it’s time to create a prototype!
Create A Prototype
You’ll never know if your solution will work until you get your target customers to use it and share their feedback.
Until you get something into their hands, you only have an untested idea.
Here are my three most important pieces of advice I can give to you about creating a prototype.
1) Keep it simple in every way.
Create something that makes the core problem easier to overcome.
Even if you know you can eventually make it faster, stronger or cheaper, just make the best use of the resources you have.
The potential to make the problem facing your clients suck a little less as a result of your prototype is a step in the right direction. Don’t underestimate it!
For example, if you want to build a mobile app, build a mobile website first. It’s cheaper. It’s easier to build. It turns your thought into something physical people can experience.
I always remind people that Jeff Bezos started Amazon with a vision to make it easier to sell everything and anything in the world to anyone in the world, but he started by selling just one thing: books.
He did that to test his idea. As he learned from his prototype he expanded to more products until it grew into what we know as Amazon today.
2) Embrace your constraints.
You are never going to have the right amount of resources or perfect circumstances to get your business off the ground.
Even when things are going well, there will always be something you wish you had, but don’t. Get used to it!
I’ve come to realize constraints make you more creative.
The less money I have, the less time I have, the fewer connections I have, the less knowledge I have and the fewer skills I have, force me to discover a unique solution.
Don’t focus on what you don’t have. Take an inventory of all your resources and advantages to focus on what you do have.
Make what you do have work.
3) View your clients as partners.
Creating a prototype forces you to involve your clients right from the beginning.
It really doesn’t matter what you think. It matters what your clients think. You are building your solution for them, not for you.
When they start playing around with your first prototype, the goal is to get their feedback. The goal isn’t to get them to buy. It’s to get them more interested.
Let your target clients tell you what features they would like to add and why.
Observe how they use your creation to learn how to improve what you’ve created.
Another powerful trust accelerator is responding to your client’s feedback. The more you make them feel like a part of the process, the more they will champion your idea.
Skill Mashup Kickstart
Whew! I know that’s a TON of information, but I wanted to share the step-by-step process for how to make a great living from what you know from fewer than 1,000 customers.
To get started, I recommend doing a “skill mashup”.
The idea is to mix and match your skills and interests in different ways to discover opportunities you might have never imagined. Here’s how:
1) Make a list of all your skills. Both personal and professional. Hard skills and soft skills too.
2) Make a list of all your interests including your passions, causes you support, missions you believe in, things you want to learn and anything that excites you!
3) Mashup your skills and interests. Write each skill and each interest on a separate piece of paper. Next, pick one skill at random and one interest at random. Finally, type that skill and interest into Google to see what comes up!
4) Identify trends from the opportunities you’ve gathered. Make a list of all the different opportunities including jobs, companies, organizations, people, books, blogs, podcasts, etc. Look for trends and patterns in the opportunities that most excite you to begin making a list of possible niches you would like to serve.
Not only is this process about finding a business opportunity, but it’s an opportunity to find your true self too.
Consider joining our Solopreneur Startup Community of Practice to accelerate the growth of your business.
How To Become Truly Confident
What makes you feel confident about anything in your life?
Sit with that question for a moment.
Confidence is frequently described as gaining belief in yourself as you develop experience with a new skill or grow more comfortable with a once unfamiliar circumstance.
But what about feeling confident in every aspect, decision, interaction and moment of your life?
That’s the question Julia Pereira Dias, a past member of our 30-Day Accelerator, was trying to tackle in a book she was working on about relative confidence.
Julia invited me to join her and her family at their home in the Brazilian Amazon during the summer of 2019, and while there, we had loads of conversations about confidence that inspired me to write this post.
defining “confidence”
Julia believes we often confuse “confidence” with “competence”. She is seeking to understand what it means to feel confident in every aspect of our lives, whether or not we are acquiring a specific new skill, knowledge or experience.
I define confidence as gaining trust in yourself by knowing yourself for yourself through an ongoing process of self-awareness.
It’s exploring your limitations, knowing your limits or whether or not you feel like expanding beyond your comfort zone.
I believe the number one reason most first-time business owners fail is because they lack self-knowledge! Feeling “confident” without self-knowledge is arrogance!
Remember, you are the first resource of your business and it’s biggest obstacle!
You need to evaluate yourself as you would any other resource in your business. That evaluation process will not only help you make better decisions, but will also make you more confident about your decisions!
If you want to get to know yourself better, consider enrolling in our 12-week Self-Assessment Challenge.
For example, while I was in the Amazon, I climbed an acai tree for the first time. I climbed halfway up the tree, about 15 feet in the air, but I didn’t go to the top because I was concerned about how to get back down!
I gave the locals a laugh and they told me that I forgot to bring down the acai!
I didn’t accomplish my goal of harvesting the acai, but I still felt confident and didn’t care what anyone else thought!
I was well aware of my limits at that moment and did better than I thought! I also knew I could choose to further explore my limits by trying to climb again another day.
Confidence is understanding what motivates you, the boundaries of your comfort zone and how you learn best.
Practicing Confidence
I believe many of us lack confidence in ourselves because we haven’t taken the time to really know ourselves.
As Julia pointed out in our conversations, we spend too much time seeking the opinion of others, instead of trusting ourselves.
We trust what we find familiar and don’t trust the unfamiliar.
I believe we don’t trust ourselves because we are unfamiliar with our true selves.
As you become more familiar with yourself, you’ll gain trust in yourself. As you trust yourself more, you’ll gain more confidence in yourself.
Julia identified a simple 3-step process for building a confident mindset across your entire life:
1) Self-Awareness
The most effective method to learn about yourself is by developing a self-awareness practice because it enables you to know yourself for yourself.
I define self-awareness as observing your actions without judgment to identify if the consequences of your actions are in alignment with your stated goals.
Start practicing self-awareness by developing a writing habit!
Here are some journaling ideas to get you started.
2) Curiosity
When you seek the permission of others in everything you do, you silence your inner voice!
Listen to your inner voice by giving in to your natural curiosity.
All of those questions popping into your head throughout the day are your natural curiosity in action!
No one has ever experienced the world like you and no one will ever again! Just because something worked for someone else doesn’t mean it will work for you! Get curious to know for yourself!
Here’s a quick experience to gain more trust in your curiosity: for one day, each time you have to make a decision, go with whatever your inner voice thinks instead of the advice of someone else. See what happens!
3) Laugh At Yourself
I think this is the best piece of advice from Julia! When you have the ability to laugh at yourself, you begin to enjoy the messy process of learning instead of focusing so seriously on the end result.
There’s nothing more confident than being able to laugh at your setbacks and knowing you’ll learn from them!
Check out our 12-Week Self-Assessment Challenge to help you learn how to build a self-awareness practice to learn more about yourself than ever before!
How Long It Really Takes To Start A Business
You might want to start a business to gain location independence, creative freedom or time freedom.
Social media ads flying through your feed offering attractive promises like:
How To Make $5,000/Month From Anywhere
Make Six-Figures In Less Than A Year
Hustle Your Way To $10,000/Month With No Idea and No Experience
But how long does it take to achieve financial stability?
The honest answer? You might not want to hear how long it really takes to start a business!
It took me 5 years to consistently earn about the same monthly income I had from my last job.
From my interviews with 500+ solopreneurs, the average length of time it takes to gain financial stability is two years on average.
From the moment they commit to researching their idea to the moment their business is paying them the same amount of monthly income from their most recent job is two years.
That might seem like a long time, especially when you’re used to getting a new job in a matter of weeks, if not months.
My visit to the Amazon Jungle In Brazil during the summer of 2019 reminded me that everything has its own natural pace and growth can’t be forced. Including starting your business.
You can try to hack your way to growth, but you’ll most likely burn yourself out even if you achieve financial stability!
Starting A Business Times Take Like Growing Açaí
During my visit to the Amazon, I learned about growing açaí for profit from my host Evandro Pereira Dias.
He told me when he bought his land in 2012, he planted 800 açaí trees!
It would take another four years before they were mature enough to start producing berries. He harvested just 20 baskets during his first season. Two years later he harvested 400 baskets!
Each year he reinvests his profits to plant more trees and to maintain the land. In the next few years, he says he’ll be harvesting 300 baskets a week throughout the season!
As I listened to Evandro, I couldn’t help but think that growing açaí was the perfect analogy for growing a business.
Like growing açaí, growing a business takes time and for good reason.
When you’re starting a business, you’re not getting a new job. You’re completely changing how you work, how you make a living and even your identity!
It takes time to absorb all that change in your life!!
4 Startup Learning Curves
Starting a business takes longer than you might realize because you’re learning 4 new ways of working simultaneously!
How to manage yourself.
How to validate a business idea.
How to create systems.
How to find clients/customers.
Taking on any one of those learning curves is steep all on its own. When you’re starting a business, you’re tackling each one of them at the same time without even realizing it!
I believe the simplest business model to try first is making money from what you already know by doing it for people you already know.
Basically, how can you turn your most marketable skill from your profession or current job into a consulting, freelancing or coaching opportunity that continues to serve clients in your network or industry?
Why?
This approach helps ease two of the four startup learning curves from the above list: #2 validate your business idea and #4 find clients.
You won’t have to validate your idea because you are transferring your skills from employment to self-employment.
Staying focused on serving your current industry will also make finding clients much easier because you can rely on your existing connections.
The remaining two learning curves are the toughest for most people.
How to manage yourself: When you think about it, our conventional employment system always tells us how, when, where, on what and with whom to work. Learning how to manage yourself is one of the hardest feats you’ll ever have to accomplish because you can’t fire yourself, so you have to learn how to deal with yourself!
How to create systems: Remember, you aren’t creating a job for yourself. You are building a system and most of us have never done that before. It’s a big mind shift to learn how to earn money from a system you’ve built, rather than trading your minutes for dollars as you’ve been taught as a conventional employee.
Recognition of these 4 startup learning curves alone will now help you move through them faster, thus helping you get your business to financial stability more quickly.
Learn How To Start Managing Yourself
If you’re ready to start working for yourself, I tell people to start learning about yourself first!
Why?
You need to evaluate the most important resource of your business: YOU and the biggest obstacle in your business: YOU.
The more you learn about yourself, the more effectively you can manage yourself.
Check out our 12-Week Self-Assessment Challenge to help you learn more about yourself than ever before!
Self-Employed Income Relief Options
There are 57 million self-employed people in U.S. working as freelancers, consultants, solopreneurs, gig workers, independent contractors and small business owners.
If you’re self-employed, you typically don’t qualify for unemployment benefits when you lose income because you aren’t paying into your state’s unemployment system.
If your business is organized as an S-Corp and you’re paying yourself a salary, then you are paying into your state’s unemployment system and are eligible to receive unemployment benefits.
Under the recently passed Coronavirus Aid, Relief and Economic Securities Act (CARES) of 2020, unemployment benefits are being expanded to many self-employed workers, even if you haven’t paid into your state’s unemployment system.
However, it looks like one of the key requirements to receive unemployment benefits as a self-employed worker is whether or not the Coronavirus pandemic is preventing you from doing your job.
For example, if you’re a wedding photographer, due to the social distancing guidelines, you’re obviously unable to do your job.
On the other hand, if you’re a graphic designer and you’re starting to lose clients because they are tightening their budgets, you may not qualify because you can technically still do your job in isolation.
There are bound to be a lot of gray areas, so its best to contact your state’s unemployment agency or try applying to see if you get accepted.
If you’re eligible, you’ll receive roughly half the average unemployment benefits offered by your state, plus an additional $600/week from the federal government on top of your state’s benefits.
Here are more self-employed unemployment and lost income relief options.
Grants
Loans
Skip your car payments or other loans you might have. Call your lending provider to understand your options.
Check your state governor’s website for economic relief options and check out this list of state programs
Visit your city’s or local municipality’s website for economic relief programs
Tax Relief
Customer Funding Ideas
Ask your customers what challenges they are facing right now to find a new business idea.
Explore how to move your business online or how to conduct it virtually.
Additional Relief Ideas
Skip your rent or mortgage payments. Call your bank or landlord, as well as your local government to understand your options.
If you lose your health insurance check your COBRA options, as well as getting healthcare through your state’s healthcare exchange.
Make a list of all your monthly business and personal expenses to renegotiate your payment terms.
Call your credit card company to see what relief they are offering.
Get in habit of asking everyone you know, your favorite companies and your local government about new sources of funding or economic assistance.
Reach out and build relationships to expand your customer base over the longterm.
Have a Suggestion?
Help us keep building this list of economic relief resources! Submit here or email [email protected].
Outreach Challenge: 100 Strangers In 30 Days
During the pandemic, I conducted an outreach challenge to connect with 100 people I’d never met before in 30 days.
I didn’t reach out to just anyone, but people who I thought could help spread our message to “create work that works for you.”
WHY I DID THIS OUTREACH CHALLENGE
#1 I felt like my outreach habit had grown stale. I’ve been doing outreach for Life Skills That Matter for several years now, but from time to time, my motivation takes a dip. I find doing a challenge like this reinvigorates my commitment to it.
#2 To remind our community about the importance of their outreach habit. I invited several members from our community to join me in this experiment. Instead of just coaching, I wanted to share exactly what I was doing along the way.
#3 To share with YOU why outreach is the most important action to start and grow your business! The more you practice outreach, the more you get over your fear of rejection and build support for your business, so it grows more quickly.
HOW THIS OUTREACH CHALLENGE WAS CONDUCTED
The goal of making your outreach effective is to remind yourself you need to “give to receive”. Before anyone is going to give you their attention or money, you need to first give them their attention by giving something they need or want.
I didn’t reach out to people to buy our services. Instead, I reached out to people to collaborate with them around educating people about how work is changing and how to create work that works for you.
Specifically, I reached out to:
68 podcasters to suggest a story I could share on their show.
26 HARO pitch submissions to share my expertise about starting a business with journalists working on stories about startups, the future of work, remote work and careers.
5 leaders of organizations representing entrepreneurs.
WDS to lead a meetup as part of their virtual conference.
I only reached out to people who I felt aligned with our values and mission. For example, there are loads of podcasts about entrepreneurship, but some aren’t the right fit for us, so I didn’t bother reaching out to them.
Your outreach efforts will be SO much more successful when you are focused on people aligned with your values and not just anyone with a pulse!
WHAT WERE THE RESULTS?
I got booked on 7 podcast interviews + 2 more that asked me to follow up in September.
2 of my HARO submissions were accepted. One article was published already and one has yet to be published.
I lead a WDS meetup on June 27th for 19 people.
Those were the immediate results achieved at the end of the 30-day challenge. From my past experience, I know the results will keep on coming in because of this burst of effort!
100 people who didn’t know me, now know who I am. I’m on their radar. I wouldn’t be surprised if some joined our community months from now or referred someone to us!
Now you might either be unimpressed or impressed by those immediate results.
I know this is counterintuitive to say, but honestly, I didn’t do it for the immediate results.
This challenge reminded me of the important lesson I’ve learned about outreach from my 20 years as a solopreneur:
You will never commit to your outreach habit if you focus on short-term results alone.
And how many results do you think you are going to get if you don’t commit to your outreach habit?
None.
So, now you might be saying to yourself, “Well Stephen, isn’t the goal of outreach to get new clients or to get a promotion?”
Yes and no.
Your outreach habit produces many different outcomes.
Getting “results” is definitely one of the more desirable “outcomes”.
Your brain is hardwired to seek immediate gratification. It loves a sure thing. It gets easily discouraged when you put in a lot of effort, but don’t see useful results right away.
BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS FROM OUTREACH
The goal of outreach is to get known and to build relationships, not to just get short-term results.
I use this little “poem” to remind our Accelerator members how to build effective business relationships.
Know Me: the first step of building a relationship with a potential client or partner is to just get known!
Until you’ve reached out to a potential client, they don’t even know you exist!
Sure, they may have landed on your website, found you on social media or someone recommended you to them, but they still have never met YOU before.
If you’re selling services for hundreds or thousands of dollars, it’s highly unlikely a stranger is going to buy from you after meeting you for the first time.
Like Me: the second step is the all-important “follow up”. You need to get to know the needs of your potential client or collaborator.
Most people forget about the follow-up, because again, your brain loves short-term gratification! Stand out in the mind of your new connection by following up with extra information, ideas and answers to their questions.
Taking this simple, but often overlooked step, will make you memorable by making your new connection feel understood. Simply following up will dramatically increase their likelihood of “liking you”.
Trust Me: the third step of relationship development requires deeper engagement by offering a free demonstration for a potential client or collaboration on a small project with a potential partner.
For example, when I reach out to fellow podcasters, I propose a two-part series or lesson to share on each other’s show. Instead of “pitching” myself on their show, I invite them to come on my show too.
When I meet someone interested in working for themselves, I ask them about their biggest obstacle to self-employment. Based on their response, I recommend trying one of our free services first. It might be our Lifestyle Calculator, our Weekly Reflection Reminder or even our podcast.
Buy Me: the fourth step is the stage in the relationship when a potential client is ready to financially commit to you by paying you for your services.
Notice in the image above how the phrases get smaller and smaller at each stage? The size of each phrase represents the size of the pool of people you will be engaging with at each relationship development stage.
A fraction of the people you reach out to will become paying clients. You might not like hearing that, but it’s true! If you commit to an outreach habit, you will never run out of paying clients!
LESSONS LEARNED FROM THIS OUTREACH CHALLENGE
This challenge reminded me of other unanticipated outcomes beyond short-term results like:
#1 The probability of getting some results in the short term increases as I reach out more. I wouldn’t have generated the short-term results I did by reaching out to 100 people if I only reached out to 10 instead.
#2 Focus on the “habit” of outreach, instead of the “results” gets me out of my head. To achieve my goal of reaching out to 100 people over 30 days, I knew I had to reach out to a minimum of 5 people each day. Taking action left me little time to waste on entertaining my doubts or my fear of rejection!!
#3 Practice makes you better. I never used HARO before this challenge, so I had to learn how to use it. By my 15th pitch, I knew how to write more effectively for the needs of the journalists I was contacting.
#4 I learned several unanticipated lessons, including:
I got a ton of ideas about how we could improve our podcast marketing after researching a ton of other podcasts.
I was reminded of how much more motivated I am when held accountable by others. Twice a week I checked in with the community members who accepted my outreach challenge.
How to sustain my outreach habit going forward. Sending out three messages a day on average seems to be a sustainable rhythm for me. Working on list building, writing emails, sending emails and following up as individual tasks, made the process so much more manageable too!
OVERCOMING RESISTANCE TO OUTREACH
The number one action for starting your business is outreach.
Yet it is also the number one action people resist!
Here’s what a couple of the participants who joined me in this challenge learned about why they resisted outreach.
“I thought I had to have a lot of clarity before I could start reaching out. What I learned was by doing outreach I get clarity because I’m getting feedback and I’m moving forward. It was about learning through the outreach and not just getting results.” Hannah Fitzgibbon
“I learned there was more to outreach than just pitching and getting something in return. It taught me about the next path I need to go down and the next thing to try. I also learned I wouldn’t have been able to do this without accountability.” Amy Angelilli
Here’s some advice for overcoming your resistance to outreach:
As you’re starting out, allow yourself to get excited about your idea and your mission. Don’t focus on results, enjoy having an amazing conversation with them to build trust.
Again, to build trust, you need to give before you can receive! People want to feel understood. They want to feel you actually care about them. Don’t try to “sell” in your first interaction! Focus on sharing and celebrating your mutual interests.
Hold yourself accountable. Ask someone you trust to be your accountability partner or someone who is also trying to start a business!
As Hannah indicated, even if you don’t have it all figured out, it doesn’t mean you can’t talk to people about your idea.
In fact, your idea will become more refined, more figured out and more clear with each and every new person you meet.
Are you serious about creating work that matters and on your terms?
Ask yourself this question at the end of each day, “Did I meet anyone new today who is interested in my business idea?”
How fast do you think your business will grow if you keep responding, “No” to that question?
Good luck with your outreach!
Check out our Outreach Mastery Community of Practice to help you accelerate your outreach.
Slow Work Manifesto
The Slow Work Manifesto is a set of principles developed by Life Skills That Matter to help you create work that works for you.
Slow Work is not simply about doing less work, but rather, doing work that matters within the limitations of your attention, energy and time.
#1 Work Within Your Limitations
You have limited attention, energy and time.
Stop fighting those limitations and start working with them.
Your sharpest mental capacity is limited to an average of four hours per day for doing your best work.
Attempting to work more than that regularly is unsustainable.
Working within your nature will build a habit of creating quality work over the long term.
If you deny your natural limitations, you are living out of alignment with yourself and you will eventually burn out.
#2 Do Work That Matters
Everything is not a priority. Not all tasks should be treated equally. Put your effort into tasks that have the most impact on your security, happiness and satisfaction.
Turn your “to-do list” into a list of priorities. Do what matters most to you first.
#3 Focus On The Long Term
Discover your pace for living life. Don’t worry about keeping up with others.
Focus on keeping up with yourself.
Live with intention, by building habits in alignment with your values, needs and abilities.
Stop chasing after the ideals and standards of others. Define your own instead.
#4 Enough Is Good Enough
Before you start working on any given tasks, first define what “done” means.
Your “best ever” version is the upper limit of your potential, but don’t treat it as your standard.
Do your best at any given moment with the resources you have available to you.
Your sources of attention, energy and time are constantly fluctuating.
Some days you have more to work with than others. Some days it’s less.
Work with what you’ve got now and be good with it.
#5 Recognize Your Options
You have more options than you realize in any given circumstance.
We resist exploring other options because it challenges us in ways that make us feel uncomfortable.
Making tough choices means getting really honest with yourself.
When you deny the existence of alternatives, you give your power and energy away to someone else.
Not making a choice is a choice in and of itself.
It’s not the one you really want, so why choose it?
#6 Stop Asking For Permission
When you do the work you feel you’re supposed to do instead of the work you want to do, you’re asking for permission to feel safe and secure.
Humans are hardwired to desire acceptance by other humans.
The only right way to do anything is the way that feels right to you.
Stop trusting the voices of others more than your inner voice.
#7 What Makes You Weird, Makes You Valuable
Conforming undermines the unique value of your talents, experiences and qualities.
No one like you has ever walked the earth before and no one like you will ever again.
Don’t define yourself by comparing yourself to others.
Your most valuable opportunity is to just be yourself.
It also takes a lot less energy than trying to be someone you’re not.
#8 Take Time To Restore
You’re not a robot. You’re a human.
You need time to replenish your energy.
Your brain needs breaks to absorb, process and store all the information you’re constantly consuming.
Tending to your mental hygiene is the most productive action you can take to feel more accomplished.
#9 Challenge Your Assumptions
Before you take on any task, whether important or mundane, ask yourself, “Why do I need to do this?”
If you struggle to know why it needs to get done, don’t do it.
If you’re doing it to make someone else happy without it giving you any sense of purpose, don’t do it.
If you’ve been doing something a certain way for years just because that’s what you’ve always done, stop and question yourself, “Why am I still doing this?”
Stop doing work that takes away from doing what matters most to you.
#10 Practice Regular Reflection
Slow down. Better yet, come to a full stop more often.
Reflect regularly by checking in to see how you feel about anything you are doing.
What’s working for you?
What’s not?
You are your most important client. You are also your most important employee. Treat yourself as you would them.
Question everything.
Is working more worth it?
What if I worked less?
Is working faster better or would I better off slowing down?
Do I need more or do I already have enough?
Know yourself for yourself, so you can work at a pace that makes sense for you and no one else.
Working more slowly doesn’t mean you’re “not a good worker.”
It means you’re honoring your individual uniqueness, your contributions, your limitations and the humanity of others to become a better worker.
Start working more slowly by creating work that works for you!
Check out our Career Clarity Community of Practice to begin designing work that works for you.